It Takes Time: Investing for Positive Change Cindy Nardini, MS, LPC - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

It Takes Time: Investing for Positive Change Cindy Nardini, MS, LPC Selena Elmore, Client Presented at 2015 Louisiana Counseling Association Annual Conference

Objectives • Importance & Power of the Client Counselor Relationship • The Process of Positive Change • Role of Empathy • Spiritual Approach

Importance and Power of the Client-Counselor Relationship

What is it that leads to the best outcomes for clients? • Theoretical approach of the therapist • Educational training of the therapist – Ph.D., LPC, LMFT, LCSW • Specific interventions used • Client’s background and presenting issues

None of the above! It is the client-counselor relationship that empowers everything else we do. Carl Rogers, Journal of Consulting Psychology, 1957 Jeffrey Kottler, On Being a Therapist A.O. Horvath, Journal or Consulting Clinical Psychology. 61, 1993 Michael Lambert, Psychotherapy. 38 (4), 2001

Therapeutic alliance – a relational factor in counseling that includes 3 dimensions: • goal consensus between counselor and client • collaboration on counseling-related tasks • emotional bonding

The Process of Positive Change

Positive Change • It takes time • Awareness of why it takes so long • Trust the process • Have faith in your client

The Story of the Butterfly A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to squeeze its body through the tiny hole. Then it stopped, as if it couldn't go further. What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand: The restricting cocoon and the struggle So the man decided to help the required by the butterfly to get butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and through the opening was a way of snipped off the remaining bits of forcing the fluid from the body into cocoon. The butterfly emerged easily but it had a swollen body and shriveled the wings so that it would be ready wings. for flight once that was achieved. The man continued to watch it, Sometimes struggles are exactly expecting that any minute the wings what we need in our lives. Going would enlarge and expand enough to through life with no obstacles would support the body. Neither happened! cripple us. We will not be as strong as In fact the butterfly spent the rest of its we could have been and we would life crawling around. It was never able never fly. to fly.

Experiential Activity Using both hands, put your thumb up on one hand, and your pinky up on the other hand. Then have the pinky and thumb switch places. Continue to switch. It’s harder to do than you might think, but guess what? So is experiencing empathy. It takes practice. It’s hard work, sometimes, but in the end, it’s worth it.

Role of Empathy

Brene’ Brown - The Power of Empathy

Empathy • Webster defines empathy as: The action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or the present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated directly. • It is the ability to accurately understand and sensitively respond to the experience of another living being. • It is the sharing and recognizing the emotions and experiences of another person.

What does empathy do for the client? • Unlocks vulnerability • Gives validation • Exposes shame • Builds self-esteem • Develops trust • Builds courage • Cultivates worthiness • Encourages connection

Unlocks vulnerability Encourages Offers connection validation Cultivates Exposes Empathy worthiness shame Builds Builds Self- courage confidence Develops trust

Unlocks Vulnerability

Unlocks vulnerability Encourages Offers connection validation Cultivates Exposes Empathy worthiness shame Builds Builds Self- courage confidence Develops trust

Offers Validation

Unlocks vulnerability Encourages Offers connection validation Cultivates Exposes Empathy worthiness shame Builds Builds Self- courage confidence Develops trust

Exposes Shame

Unlocks vulnerability Encourages Offers connection validation Cultivates Exposes Empathy worthiness shame Builds Builds Self- courage confidence Develops trust

Builds Self-Confidence

Unlocks vulnerability Encourages Offers connection validation Cultivates Exposes Empathy worthiness shame Builds Builds Self- courage confidence Develops trust

Develops Trust

Unlocks vulnerability Encourages Offers connection validation Cultivates Exposes Empathy worthiness shame Builds Builds Self- courage confidence Develops trust

Builds Courage

Unlocks vulnerability Encourages Offers connection validation Cultivates Exposes Empathy worthiness shame Builds Builds Self- courage confidence Develops trust

Cultivates Worthiness

Unlocks vulnerability Encourages Offers connection validation Cultivates Exposes Empathy worthiness shame Builds Builds Self- courage confidence Develops trust

Encourages Connection

Spiritual Approach

• Life is meant to be shared • The Bible calls shared experience fellowship. • In real fellowship people experience: • Authenticity: 1 John 1:7-8; James 5:16a • Mutuality: Romans 1:12; Romans 14:19 • Sympathy/empathy: Colossians 3:12; Galatians 6:2 • Mercy: 2 Corinthians 2:7; Colossians 3:13

Cultivating Community • James 3:18 • It takes both God’s power and our efforts to produce a loving community. • Cultivating community takes: • Honesty: Proverbs 24:26; Proverbs 28:23 • Humility: 1Peter 5:5; Philippians 2:3-4 • Courtesy: Romans 15:2; Titus 3:2 • Confidentiality: Proverbs 16:28 • Frequency: Hebrews 10:25; Acts 2:46

The Process of Positive Change/Spiritual Maturity • It takes time. No shortcuts. Ecclesiastes 3:1 • You can only work on what you understand at the moment. Philippians 1:6; Colossians 3:10 • Growth is gradual. 2 Corinthians 3:18

Why does it take so long? • We are slow learners. • We have a lot to unlearn. Romans 13:12 • We are afraid to face the truth about ourselves. • Growth is often painful and scary. • Habits take time to develop. 1 Timothy 4:15

Don’t get in a hurry. Trust the process. • Believe God is working in your life even when you don’t feel it. • Keep a notebook or journal of lessons learned. Hebrews 2:1 • Be patient with God and yourself. James 1:4 • Don’t get discouraged. Hebrews 2:3

Q & A

References Brown, Brené. (2010). The Power of Vulnerability. Retrieved from http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability TED Talk. Brown, Brené. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. New York: Gotham Books. Horvath, A.O. Journal or Consulting Clinical Psychology. 61, 1993 Kottler, Jeffrey. On Being a Therapist Lambert, Michael. Psychotherapy. 38 (4), 2001 Rogers, Carl. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 1957 The RSA. (2013, December 10). RSA Shorts – The Power of Vulnerability. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw Warren, Rick. The Purpose Driven Life. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2002