Below the Surface Whats Hidden Fear - compounded Loss and - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

Below the Surface

What’s Hidden • Fear - compounded • Loss and Disappointment • Disenchantment with God, Church, others • Disenchantment with SELF • Trauma • Genuine confusion

What’s Hidden • Perceptions • Group think • Co-occurring mental health issues • Seeking answers and support online • Genuine confusion

Types of Fear • Unknown • Rejection • Invisibility • Embarrassment • Being Judged • Abandonment

Types of Fear • Future • Failure • Success • Not being ready for life • Intimacy • Being alone

Empathic Evangelization Take the initiative • Say 50% less than you want to • Ask genuinely curious questions -not interrogative • Listens first • Reflect back what you heard • Ask if they feel heard • Follow up •

Direct and Indirect Listening

Direct Listening 1:1 Setting • Classroom • Small Group • Large Group • Presentation •

Indirect Listening Surveys • News, research • Via other direct listeners (now) • Be intentional •

Direct Listening - Inroads “Loaded” question/statement • Sincere inquiry • Casual Hint • Topical Presentation • Presentation • Approached with a Problem •

Ask (clarity) “What do you think/feel about…” • Reflect back “Let me make sure Im following you” • Defer - How about we discuss this (when/where) • Input Probe - “Say more about that…” • Observe - “Would it be OK if I make an • observation?” Refer - formal and informal •

Ask (clarity) “What do you think/feel about…” • Reflect back “Let me make sure Im following you” • Defer - How about we discuss this (when/where) • Input Probe - “Say more about that…” • Observe - “Would it be OK if I make an • observation?” Refer - formal and informal •

“So for you, right now, is it kinda like…?” • Specific - Makes it personal vs. universally true • Current - Temporary - Brings it in the moment and potentially temporary vs. eternally true • Tentative - Assumes my understanding may not be accurate

“It seems like there’s been a lot of change in your life…what’s that been like for you?”

“I guess what I’m wondering is… if there’s been so much change already, might there be more to come?”

“Based on what we know, attraction and identity can change during our lives…often drastically during adolescence.”

“Based on the limited amount I know about your world, what its like to be a teen today and how many stressors, sources of worry about the future, it makes perfect sense to me that for you, right now it’s really important to lock down this part of who you are.”

Healing Dialogue • Respect • Patience • Listening • Reflecting • Validating Experience/Feeling • Clarifying Questions

Empathic Questions “What’s it like for you when you feel _______?” • “ I can’t even begin to imagine what that’s like for you to be • going through that, feel _____, have experienced ________.” “I know it might be hard for you to say right now, but in what • ways can I help and support YOU through this process?”

Powerful Questions • What have you considered in coming to your conclusion about ________ ? • I know you’re an independently minded person, but we are social beings and as such we’re influenced by other people. I’m curious, who in general, not necessarily in this area, influences your thoughts, feelings and values?

Powerful Questions • Who’s thoughts, feelings, values and beliefs do you influence? • As you think about someone who disagrees with you, what, for you is the worst part about that? • What information does that person not have, that if they had it might cause them to change their mind?

Powerful Questions • Which alternative viewpoints have you already considered? (this is a compliment to a teen b/c you’re assuming they’ve given this some serious, mature thought). • Would you be willing to consider…? • Have you asked God about your concerns, questions, doubts?

Powerful Questions • Have you brought your issues to God? What response did you get? • What were your expectations for God answering you? In what way did you expect to receive an answer? In what sort of time frame were you expecting an answer? • How has God spoken to you/answered you before?

Do’s and Don’ts • Do allow teens to save face • Don’t ask leading questions • Do give up your need to be right • Don’t make it about you • Do encourage familiarity with Church teaching • Don’t make youth “go see the priest”

Do’s and Don’ts • Do put reflections forth tentatively • Do pay attention to non-verbals • Don’t focus on what you want to say • Do make and keep eye contact • Don’t cling to your assumptions

What Helps? • Noticing • Listening • Reflecting observations • Validating their experience • Structured and Unstructured “No-Tech” Play • Opportunity for Reflection

What Helps? • Relationship • Ritual, Faith, Prayer, Mindfulness • Encourage Being and Balance • Expose the Broader Pattern • Modeling • Physical Exercise

Teen Relationships

Unhealthy Relationships • > 50% adolescents • Manipulation, control, invasive —> Uncomfortable • Asking for passwords, tracking, threatening suicide • Had technology used against them (rumors, sending images w/o permission) • Pressured to “hook up” / have sex

Unhealthy Relationships • Over-disclose too early • Around the clock affairs • Feels “close” (transparency, loyalty) but coercive, intrusive and manipulative • Enmeshed - “No Boundaries”