OMR Behaving as though we care about whats meaningful. OMR - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

OMR Behaving as though we care about what’s meaningful.

OMR - Example Daniel’s mother complains that he elects to spend more time with friends with family, that doesn’t meet basic household expectations, that gives the appearance of agreement but doesn’t follow through, and that he spends a great deal of time in his room when he’s home. Mother is worried that she’s ‘losing her son’. Daniel complains that his mom does nothing but criticize - that it’s ‘her way or the highway.’ His experience is that no matter what he does, his mother only seems to think ‘the glass is half empty.’

OMR a strategy for getting to what’s meaningful Observing ( What? ) Making Meaning ( So What? ) Responding ( Now What ?)

OMR - Self-Compassion ● What am I noticing about myself Observing (my thoughts, my words, my body What? sensations, my posture, my position, my actions. )

OMR - Self-Compassion ● What am I feeling? ● What do my feelings and actions Making suggest about what I’m needing, Meaning valuing, caring about, wanting to happen? (ie: needs, values, So What? strengths, goals)

OMR - Self-Compassion ● What can I do right now that improves the conditions around me? Responding ● What can I ask of myself to better Now put my needs, values, strengths into action? (To meet my goal, What? purpose, aim) ● What can I ask of others ? Am I ready to hear them say ‘no’?

OMR - Other-Compassion ● What am I seeing/hearing the other person do or say? Observing ● What are they telling me about What? their feelings? (with words or otherwise)

OMR - Other-Compassion What do I imagine the other person is ● feeling? What might this suggest about what the ● Making other person needs, values, wants, and cares about? Meaning What is wise, strong, or ‘able’ about ● how they are responding? So What? What meaning might this moment hold ● for them? Do I have any points of reference in my ● life for these feelings, cares, etc.?

OMR - Other-Compassion How could I find out if I’ve accurately ● understood the other? (remember: what do we really know about the Responding other’s experience of this from their Now perspective?) Am I ready to be wrong ? ● What? How can I respond in a way that ● strengthens the conditions around this relationship and acknowledges the needs, values, etc. this person has?

Example Responses withdrawing criticizing to Responses

Example criticizing Representing Power Responses to Responses withdrawing

O MR - Observing Observing

O MR - Observing criticizing withdrawing Observing

O M R - M aking Meaning criticizing withdrawing Observing Making Meaning

O M R - M aking Meaning criticizing withdrawing Observing Making Feelings: Feelings: worry, uncertainty, Anxiety, fear, exasperation, Meaning guilt, urgency, anger fatigue, powerlessness, frustration

O M R - M aking Meaning criticizing withdrawing Observing Making Feelings: Feelings: worry, uncertainty, Anxiety, fear, exasperation, Meaning guilt, urgency, anger fatigue, powerlessness Needs/Values/Goals: Needs/Values/Goals: acknowledgment, acknowledgment, to be heard, to contribute, to be heard, to contribute, to be valued, agreement, to be valued, agreement, to be a good mom to be seen as competent

OM R - Responding criticizing withdrawing Observing Making Feelings: Feelings: worry, uncertainty, Anxiety, fear, exasperation, Meaning guilt, urgency fatigue, powerlessness Needs/Values/Goals: Needs/Values/Goals: acknowledgment, acknowledgment, to be heard, to contribute, to be heard, to contribute, to be valued, agreement, to be valued, agreement, to be a good mom to be seen as competent Responding

OM R - Responding criticizing withdrawing Observing Making Feelings: Feelings: worry, uncertainty, Anxiety, fear, exasperation, Meaning guilt, urgency fatigue, powerlessness Needs/Values/Goals: Needs/Values/Goals: acknowledgment, acknowledgment, to be heard, to contribute, to be heard, to contribute, to be valued, agreement, to be valued, agreement, to be a good dad to be seen as competent Asking son to open up a little, Asking mom to watch tone Responding looking for son’s strengths, of voice/words, asking to including son’s ideas, giving make some independent space, acknowledging efforts... decisions, participating...

OMR - Sample Responses acknowledging participating giving space stepping up inviting and offering including ideas son’s ideas

Daniel’s Project Updating Masculinity ● carrying forward valued aspects of masculinity from his father (work ethic, independence, determination) ● leaving behind father’s sense of pain from his own childhood, unnecessary ‘no pain, no gain’ ideas. ● updating ‘standing against’ to ‘standing for’ (ie: values) ● incorporating ‘caring’, ‘communication’ into a new version of masculinity. ● using the gridiron as a place to practice .