Notes: Deborah Doherty – June 26, 2016 Induction ceremony for Cathy Bawn’s silhouette We are here today because of a tragic act of domestic violence that ended in the death of Cathy Bawn, a beautiful, vibrant woman – a loving daughter, mother, and grandmother - a co- worker and friend to many of you. When tragedies like this happen, we often think that they are isolated, senseless acts. Unfortunately, they happen far too often and we are left with the enormous task of making sense of the senseless. Before I share a brief overview of the Silent Witness Project, I would like to thank Cathy Bawn’s family (Carol and Misty) for inviting me to speak today on behalf of the Silent Witness Project. I am honoured to do so. The Silent Witness initiative started in the United States in 1990. That year over 40 women in Minnesota lost their lives at the hands of an intimate partner – meaning a current or former 1
spouse, common-law partner, or intimate acquaintance. A group of female artists and artisans were so dismayed, they came together and from this emerged the idea of creating life- sized red silhouettes to honour and commemorate women who are killed by their intimate partners. The project spread across the USA. In 2001, a domestic violence group from St. Stephen were at an event in Maine and saw their silhouettes. They were so moved by this experience, they brought the project to New Brunswick. A committee was struck, research undertaken looking at domestic homicides as far back as 1990 and the first NB Silent Witness ceremony was held in 2002 – this was in fact, the first SW project in Canada – now almost all provinces have similar projects. 2
These silhouettes, as you can see, are a poignant and public way to shine a light on the widespread problem of domestic violence – and the collective voices of the silhouettes act as an inspiration to search for root causes and solutions. You will notice as you walk about and read the shields, one shield says “Remember Me” which is in recognition of the many uncounted victims. When women are killed in acts of domestic homicide or murder- suicide, it is often preceded by a number of warning signs that we refer to as risk factors. I am going to briefly share some of the most common risk factors that have been identified in New Brunswick. These warning signs are not predictive. However, the more signs or risk factors there are, the more likely it is, that the situation could turn deadly. 3
Some of the risk factors that we should be aware of include a history of domestic violence, drinking and/or drugs use (which can lower inhibitions) (75% of the men charged with killing their partner, according to court records had serious drinking problems) Presence of firearms in the home, most notably hunting rifles and shotguns. (Of the 40 deaths that we have so far been documented by the SW committee, 55% were by firearms – this is almost double the national figure) Mental health problems, notably, depression Talk of suicide - this needs to be taken seriously. Since 2010, 17 NB women have died in acts of domestic homicide and 13 of these cases were murder suicides. The average age of these 13 women was 55 years. Domestic violence is not something that only happens to young women. 4
Cathy’s family has asked me to speak to you t oday about something they feel is very important – and that is how to recognize abuse. As you heard, one of the risk factors for the escalation of violence is a history of intimate partner violence – which may be referred to by various terms such as family violence, spousal abuse, or domestic violence. But what exactly is intimate partner violence? What does it look like? This is such an important question for all of us to ask, because most women experiencing domestic violence do not turn to police or professionals. Most do not go to transition houses. Instead, they may talk to their families, friends, neighbours, co-workers and perhaps others in the community like their minister or doctor. They may not say “I’m a victim of 5
domestic violence”…They may simple say – I’m not happy – “we’re going through a rough patch”. Many of us go through a rough patch in our relationships. Unfortunately, it can be hard to recognize the difference between a rough patch and a chronically abusive relationship. In part, this is because we tend to think of abuse as physical violence. Hitting, slapping, punching, pushing, burning, cutting or threatening to cause physical harm – to her, the children or the property or even her beloved pet. Yes, we are more likely to recognize abuse when we see the bruises, the burns, and the broken bones. When those physical signs are not present we may not even recognize the abuse. Yet, many abused women never experience physical violence. Instead, their partners may put them down and trample their spirits. An abusive partner may attempt to isolate her from 6
family and friends. He may tell her she’s worthless and stupid – and lucky to have him because no one else would want her. As a family violence researcher for nearly 20 years, I am sad to say that this too is the face of intimate partner violence. However, such emotional and psychological abuse is much more difficult for family and friends to recognize and to name. And when we do notice it, we often fail to recognize the harm that is being done – its only words. In fact, even women experiencing such abuse, may not identify their situation as domestic violence. Or if they do, they may be too ashamed and embarrassed of how they are being treated to tell anyone. They may even blame themselves or think they deserve it. 7
Unfortunately, societal attitudes can prevent abused women from disclosing and they can prevent us from speaking out against intimate partner violence. It is not uncommon for friends to actually minimize the abuse. They may say : “ What did you do to push his buttons? or “H e only gets jealous and angry because he loves you so much ”…. and so on. When this happens, an individual experiencing abuse may shut down – she may feel completely alone! So, one of the things that we can do as friends and family, neighbours and co-workers, is to learn the signs, recognize the many faces of abuse, be prepared to speak out, and never minimize or normalize controlling, abusive behaviour. 8
By recognizing the signals and naming them, we are in fact learning to make sense of the senseless. Hopefully the spirits of these silhouettes are inspiring each of you to reach out and support someone who is struggling with issues of abuse. Our role is NOT to be judgmental – we JUST need to say “You don’t deserve to be treated like that” – “I’m here for you – just let me know how I can help.” Fortunately, to support individuals and community there are two excellent domestic violence outreach services in this region – both are here today. They are: Kennebecasis Valley Outreach – or KV Outreach for short - and the Domestic Violence Community Action Group of Greater Saint John - Robyn Delong is here today. These non-profit organizations work very hard to bring Domestic Violence Awareness and Education to the community through programs and services. Meet with individuals one on one and they do group work – and their services are free 9
If you need a speaker at your school, business, or church group they will come and talk, Provide free services in a safe and secure meeting place Crisis Intervention, Safety Planning, Referrals Support and guidance based on their individual needs Work with families and friends affected by DV I encourage you to head over to the display tables to find out more and to pick up some education resources. Again, I thank Cathy’s family for inviting me to share in this pow erful experience. Cathy’s silhouette will forever be honoured. Thank you 10
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