A C om om pa passion onate A ppr pproa oach to o D is cus uss ing Toug ough Topi opics with Teens : Navigating the world of social media, sex and high-risk behaviors Presented by: Angela Arsenault and Kathy Batty
P rese sentation G G oals: s: 1.Find ways to bring up the conversation with your kids 1.Decide on the technology boundaries that you will set with your children 1.Gain insight into the world of social media
There is N O O N E W A Y As with any parenting choice, there is no one Remember, it’s all way or best way to negotiate social media use with your child. From sleep-training to making about RESPECT, life choices post-graduation, it’s important that parents sift through the advice and opinions of others. TRUST, CARING Find the things that work for your family and stick to them. This workshop is only meant to and SAFETY. provide some ideas and scaffolding that you can choose to adopt or forget about once you leave. We are not experts, just parents who also want the best for our children.
The T e Teen eenage B e B rain
W hat It’s Like e to B e e a Teen eenager er THEN (say, 1991) NOW 1) Passing dirty notes in class 1) Sexting 2) Uncovering your dad’s stash of old 2) PornHub.com - over 88 billion Playboy magazines videos viewed in 2015 3) Playground bullies 3) Cyberbullies 4) The popular kids 4) Thousands of Instagram followers 5) Three-way calling 5) FaceTime
It B egins with Y ou. ou... Role model appropriate and respectful use of technology and devices. Make clear “no screen time” or screen-free zones in your home. Think about how your kids see you. Talk openly and honestly with them. Take responsibility and apologize when you make mistakes with social media or when you break your own screen time expectations. Understand the neuroscience between screen “addictions” and dopamine release. Be cognizant of your own dependence on devices.
S tart Y oun oung Start setting boundaries with any screen time (including TV!) when your children are very young. Know the American Academy of Pediatrics new screen time guidelines. Be aware when you use screens as a pacifier or for behavior modification. Gain information about the effects of screen time on the developing brain. Understand the importance of supporting executive functioning skills development in children and the correlation between EF skills and routines/schedule.
Tur urn a and T d Talk (tec hnol olog ogy a addi ddiction on): “Many parents intuitively understand that ubiquitous glowing screens are having a negative effect on kids. We see the aggressive temper tantrums when the devices are taken away and the wandering attention spans when children are not perpetually stimulated by their hyper-arousing devices. Worse, we see children who become bored, apathetic, uninteresting and uninterested when not plugged in. But it’s even worse than we think. We now know that those iPads, smartphones and Xboxes are a form of digital drug. Recent brain imaging research is showing that they affect the brain’s frontal cortex — which controls executive functioning, including impulse control — in exactly the same way that cocaine does. Technology is so hyper-arousing that it raises dopamine levels — the feel-good neurotransmitter most involved in the addiction dynamic — as much as sex.” Dr. Nicholas Kardaras
W ai ait… as as l long as as y you can an Move slowly between the different forms of technology and the introduction of new devices. Make a plan before you give in to smartphones or other privileges. Be clear about when your children can expect to gain access to different forms of technology. Follow your children’s lead as they reach developmental milestones. Be forthcoming about your concerns and talk openly with your children about the benefits and challenges of social media.
C on ons ide der a a C on ontract Teach your kids that privileges come with responsibility. Find ways to tie device privileges to contracts (money for plans, missing assignments in schools, etc.). Make it clear that if you are paying for it, you OWN it. Allow your child privacy; trust that he or she will use the device respectfully Teach them how to SAY NO: practice, repeated message, use “NO” body language, offer alternatives, find help
Turn an and T Tal alk (sam pl ple c on ontract from om H H uf uffP ost): os ): 1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren’t I the greatest? 7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire. 11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that. 17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without Googling. 18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You & I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.
Teac h D ig igit ital C it itiz izenship ip As with all difficult topics, start the conversation early Use a common language: digital citizenship, digital footprint, social media, cyber-bullying, allies/upstanders, respect for self and others. Discuss the long-term consequences of digital behavior – both positive and negative – in terms that your child can comprehend. Get to know your school district’s technology policies. Say yes… to apps, websites, and online tools, when your kids demonstrate that they are ready to use them responsibly. Remember: there is only moderation of behavior!
M y Kid d W oul ould d N ever D o o That… . http://www.today.com/video/would- your-kids-post-racy-pics-of-their- friends-462164035614
Q ues s t tions s ? ? ? A ngela A a A rsenau ault : an angela@ a@par arent.co Kat Kathy B B at atty 425-6613 k 6613 kbatty@cssu.org
R ef efer eren ences es Teens, Sex, and Social Media by Angela Arsenault Exploiting the Neuroscience of Internet Addiction The Beginning of the End of Screen Time Wars It’s Digital Heroin: How Screens Turn Kids into Psychotic J unkies What’s the Right Age to Give a Child a Smartphone? New Item on College Admissions Checklist: LinkedIn Profile Guide to Contracts & Agreements for Digital Kids
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