The ties that bind: Dynamics in open adoption Naomi Hesseling-Green
Open Adoption “The planned and conscious maintaince of links between those who are adopted and their original family networks” (Ryburn, 1994, p.3) Sharing of Ongoing contact between information birthparent and child
Why this study? • Adoption Act 1955 “… the adopted child shall be deemed to cease to be the child of his existing parents” • A main critique of closed adoptions was the ongoing distress for the birthmother • Does this then suggest that there is also a biological ‘ownership’ that does not go away? How then might this manifest in open adoption arrangements where there is contact? • No local study that gives attention to the voice of adopted children in open adoption
PHENOMENOLOGY – The Lived Experience • 9 semi-structured interviews • 3 Adoptive Parents (2x couples, 1x Mother) • 3 Birthparents (2x Birthmothers, 1x Birthfather) • 3 Adoptees (Range of ages, varying degrees of openness in adoptions) • Intention was not to establish claims of success of failure … but to capture the voices of those involved
Findings Adapting to the How relationships are Integrating biological Implications for adoption status of the developed and and adoptive families Practitioners family maintained • Grief and Loss • Titles and Names •Defining ‘family’ • Role of the social worker • Acceptance of • Boundaries and • Stigma adoption status communication • Information • Identity availability • Perception and • Trust • Fit with family reality • Working in • Gratitude adoptions
ADAPTING TO THE ADOPTION STATUS OF THE FAMILY
Grief and Loss Adoptive Birthparent Adoptee Parents • Infertility was cited • Experience loss at • Feelings and fears as reason for two levels: a loss of of abandonment adoption for all a child and a loss of • Relationship interviewed a parenting role between openness (Chapman et al, and fears of 1986) abandonment
You have to be at a certain stage in your Was it important for us to have a child with head that you are not just replacing a our genes or was it important for us to be baby you can’t have parents … ADOPTIVE PARENT I gave him his last meal, changed him, put his little going out outfit on. That was probably the really BIRTHMOTHER hard part, signing that paper and knowing that you have just signed away any rights to your child and there is nothing you can do from that moment on … you cease to be the mum … If I was a boy … and she ADOPTEE wouldn’t have to buy new They gave me up once, they clothes or more toys, would she could do it again have kept me?
Acceptance of Adoption Status • Acceptance of adoption status by adoptive parents can lead to higher level of empathy for their child • Being able and willing to engage with their child over questions or upsets about their adoption status is an act of empathy • Two key questions for adoptees: “Who do I look like and why was I given away” • Contact helps the child form and normalise who their family is and who are the people involved in their lives (Gritter, 1997)
Perception and Reality • Adoptive parents must reconcile their attitude about open adoption with the reality they experience • There may be a visual or ideal that a tight bond will develop … reality is contact may decrease over time. • There are no guarantees of outcomes and surety of expectations being fulfilled.
HOW RELATIONSHIPS ARE DEVELOPED AND MAINTAINED
Titles and Names • Birthmother seen in different ways amongst the families. Terms such as “God Mother, Aunty, Sister, Special Friend” often used … There is a question whether the birthparents feel that this is the role that they take. • When it came to renaming the child after the papers had been signed, the birthparents were often involved or considered
Boundaries and Communication • Birthparents face the challenge of showing interest in their child without appearing too parental. • Adoptee is also aware of this tension. • Language used to identify relationships is a tool to boundaries. • “I am a mother … but I am not her mum” • Sensitivity to “treading on toes” by both parental sets • Adoptive parents all expressed a desire and willingness to have more contact
Boundaries and Communication • As in any types of relationships, clear communication can often present the best outcomes • When differences of expectations were explored via adequate communication, there were changes in expectations and this set the scene for change whether it was attitude, perception or behaviour.
Trust If birthparent is not well integrated into the family unit, they are at risk of losing Adoptee contact should the relationship sour Adoptive Parent Birthparent “Good will and handshakes” There is no legal mandate for contact
Gratitude • Feelings of gratitude can enable greater feelings of empathy towards each other • Aids in bonding relationships and can even increase trust in each other • Adoptive parents – grateful for the gift of a child and for being chosen • Birthparent – grateful to be involved in their child's life • Adoptees – expressed gratitude for the decision their birthparent made .. and understood the magnitude of this decision
INTEGRATING BIOLOGICAL AND ADOPTIVE FAMILIES
Defining ‘Family’ • Adoptees and adoptive parents definitions of family all reflected the complexities of family make up. • Birthparents all used familial terms (my son, my daughter) and identified the child as a part of their family. • “She’s MY daughter … but she is not OUR daughter”
Stigma • Adoptee may experience stigma due to their adoption status. The effect of this stigma is underestimated and under researched (Smalls, 2013). • None of the adoptees in this study used the term stigma but each reported different times of having to explain their family situation and deal with other peoples curiosity.
Identity • Three key aspects to identity formation: • 1. Physical characteristics • 2. Personality characteristics • 3. Access to biological information • Adoption status, if integrated from an early age, enables the adopted person to form their identity “I am an adopted only child … that is a part of my identity” • Direct correlation between sense of identity and openness in adoption
Fit with Family • Each of the adoptees identified differences in them from the into which they had been adopted • These serve as a reminder of how the adoptee is ‘different’. • Although there are many shared resemblances with their birth family, they were still in a sense, outsiders.
Implications for Practitioners • Power of the practitioner • Importance of maintaining the distinction between adoption and foster care • Need for training
Benefits of Open Adoption • Adoptee • Having access to another family • Despite being an only child in their adoptive family, two participants had siblings through their birthparents • Having the birthparent as a constant and knowing that she was (and still is loved) • Adoptive parent • Having a wealth of information about their child’s biological background • ‘Curly” questions can be answered (Identified by all parts of the triad) • Birthparent • Knowing and being a part of their child's life
Future Considerations • Impact of stigma • Incongruence in role of the birthparent • Extent of the role of the social worker, and the extent and impact of the power and influence of that role. • Specialised training for adoption social workers • What of children conceived through sperm donation. Will the experiences and questions of those who have been adopted be echoed in these children?
References Chapman, C., Dorner, P., Silber, K & Winterberg, T. (1996). Meeting the needs of the adoption triangle through open adoption: The birthmother. Child and Adolescent Social Work Journal. 3(4), 203 – 213. Gritter, J. (1997). The spirit of open adoption. Washington DC, VA: Child Welfare League of America Ryburn, M. (1994). Open adoption: Research, theory and practice. Hants, England: Avebury Small, J. (2013). Adopted in America: A study of stigma. Retrieved from http://papers.ssrn.com/so13/papers.cfm?abstract_id=228051 7
Recommend
More recommend
