FAMILIES WITHOUT CHILDREN: LIFE NARRATIVES OF VOLUNTARILY CHILDLESS HETEROSEXUAL AND NON-HETEROSEXUAL WOMEN DR NIKKI HAYFIELD SENIOR LECTURER IN SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY, DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND SOCIAL SCIENCES, UNIVERSITY OF THE WEST OF ENGLAND (UWE) DR VICTORIA CLARKE ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR IN SEXUALITY STUDIES, DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND SOCIAL SCIENCES, UWE
TERMINOLOGY “Child - less’ sounds too loaded, like there is a norm and you’ve not met it, you’re bereft, barren etc. But ‘child - free’ could sound smug (like saying you’re ‘car - free’). Child -less sounds like you don’t have children but might have wanted them, whereas child- free sounds as though you don’t have or want children and are celebrating it – neither seems to fit me, as I’m neither bemoaning nor celebrating my status. I can’t think of a better term though.” (Rosa, P23, aged 43, queer)
OVERVIEW • The broader context and an overview of voluntary childlessness research • Our study and analyses - Women’s experiences of being childfree • Conclusions • Questions
DEMOGRAPHIC TRENDS • Broadly similar patterns of family change have occurred across Europe, North American and Australasia in the last 50 years or so – including rises in: • divorce • births outside of marriage and lasting heterosexual relationships • single parents • single person households • childlessness (Roseneil & Budgeon, 2004) • Voluntary childlessness (e.g., Basten, 2009; Blackstone & Stewart, 2012) • From family-as-a-noun to family-as-a-verb (Golombok, 2015; Morgan, 2011)
THE CHILDFREE CHOICE IN POPULAR CULTURE • Some media interest in the topic Celebrities discussing their decision to be childfree • Some newspaper articles and blogs written by childfree women discussing • their right to be childfree and highlighting stigmatisation of childfree women New Zealand – Seven Sharp current affairs programme feature: • http://tvnz.co.nz/seven-sharp/child-free-video-5878477 • Media analysis • Graham & Rich (2011) – Australian print media • Giles, Shaw and Morgan (2009) – UK press
THE MOTHERHOOD MANDATE / IMPERATIVE • Motherhood as an ‘institution’ (Rich, 1976) • Pronatalism: Being a woman conflated with being a mother (Peterson & Engwall, 2013) Having children understood as ‘natural’ and ‘biological’ • • Chiildbearing understood as a developmental milestone Children marker of adulthood and of normal gender development (Morison et • al., 2015) - Coercive pronataism – encouragement of procreation among the socially • privileged (e.g., white, middle class, able-bodied) and discouragement of procreation among those who are less socially privileged
PERCEPTIONS OF CHILDFREE WOMEN • Voluntarily childfree women understood as: • Deviant, maladjusted and emotionally unstable • Unfeminine, unnatural and unhappy Immature, selfish, and self-centred (Blackstone & Stewart, 2012; Jamison et al., 1979; Morison et • al., 2015; Rich et al., 2011) REASONS TO BE CHILDFREE • Reasons include: • Career focus • Independent and freedom from responsibilities • Dislike of, or disinterest in, children • Self-fulfilment and disposable income Altruistic reasons (Agrillo & Nelini, 2008; Blackstone & Stewart, 2012; Park, 2005). •
With thanks to our collaborators – Dr Sonja Ellis and Dr Gareth Terry Funded by the British Academy / Leverhulme Trust
PARTICIPANTS • 23 women aged 35-65 years (average = 45 years) • 13 heterosexual (11 married/in a relationship) • 4 bisexual (3 in relationships) • 6 lesbian/queer/non-heterosexual (2 in a relationship)
RESULTS • Thematic analysis (Braun & Clarke, 2006) and analysing all the data (heterosexual and non-heterosexual) • Three main themes: 1. Ambivalence: It’s not set in stone 2. Freedom? 3. Minimisation of stigmatisation
(1) AMBIVALENCE We haven’t done anything permanent about it and so Barry’s been quite interested in the past in having a vasectomy and at that point I said “no, I don’t want to have children but I don’t want to be making a decision for my future self right now”. [...] I guess my point is it’s been a gradual thing. It hasn’t been a sudden decision that always felt (pause) absolute, a growing realisation, but also, you know, some days you might think “am I certain about this?”, and other days you absolutely are. We’d always said that we had to, you know, “if you ever change your mind you have to say”, we have to be really open and honest about it, and sometimes we even use percentages, so “are you still sure” and he’s like “yeah I’m eighty percent sure today” (laughs). We might have a really nice interaction with a child and you’re like “ooh I’m seventy - five percent today” or “sixty percent today “so, yeah, we do try and be really open and honest about that. (Mary, aged 36, heterosexual)
(2) FREEDOM? Sophie: I like to do what I want to do (laughs) Gareth: Yeah yeah yeah yeah for sure. Um, so what are those the things that you like to do ? Sophie: Um, work (mmn) be completely autonomous (mmn) in as much as I can be (mmn) um (in breath) enjoy myself, eat when I want to, get up when I want to, you know, not have anybody relying on me (mmn ). ‘Cause both my husband and I, we’re quite (pause), you know, we’re very close but he likes his work as well and, you know, I’m down here in my study and he would normally be upstairs in his (mmn ), you know, so we could spend the entire day and we’re happy like that (mmn) you know, but we come together in the evening, have a drink, cook dinner, go on holiday, go for walks with the dog (mmn) this that and the other (mmn ). But it’s like I don’t feel controlled. I feel terrified of being pushed into a corner (mmn mmn) you know, um, and to have this level of responsibility for somebody or something else, you know. I’ve got a dog and a cat (mmn) and obviously dogs you have to be responsible for and I do feel responsible for her (mmn) [but] it’s a different type of thing (aged 56, heterosexual).
(2) FREEDOM? I don’t think I would have wanted to be a single parent because as I say that really impacts on your freedom to go on holiday, do all sorts of things really, you know, (mmn mmn). And I gave up a job I had in London, I worked part time, and I couldn’t have had that freedom ( mmn) with children, because a part time income was enough for me to live on, but wouldn’t have been, you know, if I’d had a family ( mmn mmn mmn). I would have had to work harder (Joanne, aged 65, lesbian).
(3) MINIMISATION OF STIGMATISATION Gareth: Have you experienced any negative stuff related to being childfree? Sarah: Um, apart from the odd comments (mmn) and the assumption that I will have children (mmn), um no (mmn ) no, no, not anything negative, um, other people’s assumptions get frustrating at times (yeah), but other than that, no I’ve I don’t feel bad about not having children ( mmn) um, and although people kind of expect that you’re female and therefore you must want a child (in breath) um no [...] Gareth: Any other strategies that you have in terms of dealing with people who make assumptions? Sarah: Well one of the things that I did do in China is, I was having a foot massage and my colleague was translating. I could see it was getting difficult for my colleague translating ‘cause she said "but why don’t you have children, is there something wrong?" and eventually I just said “I can’t have children” ( mmn) um, she gave me a sympathetic look but it stopped the conversation (mmn) and it was a lie (yeah) um, but it was just easier (aged 39, bisexual).
(3) MINIMISATION OF STIGMATISATION Nikki: Some people have talked about feeling their friendships have been affected by their friends having children, how has that been for you? Arabela: (pause) I wouldn’t say so , just one person I (pause) I have sort of fallen out with (mnhmn) . It was because of a comment she made about me not having children that I felt was (pause) over the top and you know, not (pause) really nice ah but n o. So when we got our dog (pause) (mmn) she made a comment that I shouldn’t be thinking about dogs, but children, which is a ridiculous thing to say because (right right) you know you can have dogs and children (yes). But anyway I didn’t think (pause) too much of it (mmn) but then a couple of years ago she had a baby, um because I don’t see her very often - she’s back in my home country - I emailed, you know, just asking how are they getting on (mmn) and she emailed me back with um, they have um a few problems with feeding I think (okay) and she says “I don’t know if you’re” (out breath) it was something about that it was hard work, and she said something like "well I don’t know if you’re finally grown up enough (laughing) to think about having children" and I just left it and never got back because that was (oh gosh) extremely upsetting (yeah). So I think I am a grown up because I know my decisions are right (mmn) in my situation (mmn mmn ) um, you know, and I don’t want to have children just because everyone else has (yep) and because maybe some people think that that’s what is expected (mmn) from a woman who is in a stable relationship (aged, 38, SEXUALITY DATA????).
CONCLUSIONS • Stigmatisation of childfree women’s experiences • The persistence of the motherhood mandate • ‘Family’ understood as nuclear - including (biological) children • Implications for later life • Mothers ‘versus’ non -mothers
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