In Their Own Right Understanding and Supporting Family Members Affected by Gambling Jim Orford University of Birmingham, England Victorian Responsible Gambling Foundation Melbourne, October 23 ‐ 24, 2014.
Addiction and the Family International Network AFINet UK Akan Ibanga Laura Nice Jim Orford Lorna Templeton Richard Velleman Formerly The Alcohol, Drugs and the Family Research Group
Affected Family Members: Long recognised but still neglected • ‘It is the nature of emotional disorders that when one member of the family is afflicted, the effects are felt by all the others. There are few, however, in which the impact is felt with such severity as in the case of compulsive gambling’ ( When Luck Runs Out , Custer & Milt, 1985). • ‘… we have had a monster living with our family – a monster in the shape of a fruit ‐ machine. Practically every penny my husband earned went into that machine’ (a wife cited by Barker & Miller, 1968).
A rough estimate of the numbers of family members affected by their relatives’ problem gambling Assuming 2 other people seriously affected in each case and problem gambling prevalence 2% in Australia and 1% in the UK: Australia: 920,000 Victoria: 232,000 UK: 1,280,000
Wives of Problem Gamblers Some of the things they talk about • Being in the dark about the extent of the gambling • Finding out about it; suddenly or slowly • Trying to get back control of family finances • Feelings of anger and mistrust, but feelings mixed • Other family members and relations not very helpful • Doctors and other professionals don’t know what to do
Parents of Young Problem Gamblers Some of the things they talk about • Discovering financial irregularities • Changes in behaviour and personality, education and work • Crises occur • Parents’ social life, relationship and health affected • To be tough or tender? • Trying to protect others
Children may be particularly vulnerable In the few studies carried out, children have often reported being caught in the middle of family tensions, taking on the role of peacemaker, often experiencing disappointment due to broken promises, feeling sad, hurt, angry, depressed, confused and ashamed, even taking the blame for family difficulties stemming from the problem gambling.
The Stress ‐ Strain ‐ Coping ‐ Support Model Addiction FM’s stress Social Inform ‐ Coping suppor ation t FM ill ‐ health Child ‐ Adults ren
Family members are affected in three main areas (McComb et al ., 2009) Financial : harms ranging from the pilfering of small amounts of money • right through to the whole family being put at serious financial risk due to large losses and debts. Relationships : Relationships between family members and their gambling • relatives are often undermined by the secrecy of their relatives’ gambling, and by arguments, and worse, when the seriousness of the gambling becomes apparent. Loss of trust is usually a big factor. Health (both emotional and physical): Being highly stressed, family • members are themselves at heightened risk of mental and physical health difficulties, particularly anxiety and depression.
A Wife’s Constant Worry • I was constantly worrying: he’s going there, he’ll gamble, he’ll lose, he’ll come back, he’ll be angry – you know it was constant worry – bursts of anger, bursts of upsets. Then I had a child staying at home [and] you didn’t want it to impact him. He had to do homework, he had to go to hockey, you don’t want to hear your mother and father screaming… So, you’re worrying, [thinking] ‘I’m not going to scream, I’m not going to argue, it’ll pass’ it’ll pass’. • Tepperman, Betting Their Lives , 2009, p 152
A Daughter • I’d get home from school, I’d watch TV and my Mum would be upstairs on the computer. She’d just be on the computer like that all the time and then she’d make my tea and then she’d probably go back up again. Then she’d probably watch some TV and then I think before she went to bed she went on it. And then it just went like that. • Valentine and Hughes, Ripples in a pond , 2010, p 282
FAMILY MEMBERS’ WORRIES ABOUT THEIR RELATIVES Worry about the relative’s physical health Worry that the relative is neglecting himself or herself Worry about the relative’s mental health Worry that the relative’s education, work or sporting performance is failing Worry about the relative’s financial affairs Worry about the frequency, quantity or form of the relative’s addictive behaviour Worry about the company the relative is keeping
ANALOGOUS FORMS OF STRESSFUL LIFE CIRCUMSTANCES • Relative’s mental illness • Family unemployment • Relative’s chronic illness • Work overload • Relative’s dementia • Bullying at work • Relative’s HIV/AIDS • Disaster • Partner’s combat stress • In a war zone • Partner’s infidelity • Persecution
The Stress ‐ Strain ‐ Coping ‐ Support Model Addiction FM’s stress Social Inform ‐ Coping suppor ation t FM ill ‐ health Child ‐ Adults ren
Two Partners’ Struggles to Understand • I’ve racked my brains trying to figure out what’s in it for him. I’ve tried to get him away from it, try to get him to think about other things, tried to get him interested in something other than that. I even suggested we play board games. ‘No’. • Once [my partner] starts gambling, I don’t feel a part of this relationship anymore. I find it’s very selfish behaviour. Then I try to analyze it and then I [wonder], is it an addiction. • Tepperman, Betting Their Lives , 2009, pp 218 & 226
The Stress ‐ Strain ‐ Coping ‐ Support Model Addiction FM’s stress Social Inform ‐ Coping suppor ation t FM ill ‐ health Child ‐ Adults ren
Addiction Dilemmas Main Coping options for affected family members • Withdrawing from it, being independent of it • Engaging in trying to change it, standing up to it • Accepting it, putting up with it
Family Members’ Ways of Coping STANDING UP TO IT Controlling, protecting the family Confronting, Supporting PUTTING UP talking rough WITHRAWING the relative WITH IT Refusing, AND GAINING resisting, INDEPENDENCE Avoiding, being Sacrificing, escaping assertive compromising Not worrying, getting a Resigned, new life accepting
A Sister’s Coping Dilemma She said she’d had some debts; she was very sorry she’d gone on • the gambling again. She needed so much to bail herself out… would I be willing to do it?… So I spoke to my mother. I spoke to my husband and we all came to the conclusion that she needed a loan. I’d get her the loan but it had to be, you know, there had to be certain regulations or conditions to getting the loan. And I made her wait for a week before I told her. And then another condition was she had to tell her husband because her husband had no idea what she had been doing… I took the loan out from my bank and made sure it was a secured loan for £5,000… I’m not best pleased… I took the loan out because I thought it’s not fair on her daughter to have to suffer and go without. Valentine and Hughes, 2010, p 280 •
A Partner’s Coping Dilemma • I am not being strict enough with him… I want to help him but I don’t want to treat him like a child either. I don’t want him to feel like I am being like his mother either. I don’t want him to cause a big fight and have him be like, ‘Oh, you’re just trying to be my mother.’ I don’t want him to feel like that. • Tepperman, Betting Their Lives , 2009, p 247
A Father’s Attempts to be Supportive • I’ve tried to tell my son that the only winner is the machine. I had on a TV programme about gambling and I wanted him to see it and had kept him there for as long as I could. I think the nicking has now stopped. At one time I discovered he’d been taking money from the till over a period of several months. I had to sack him from working with me over it. I think he was upset about that. I am working very hard now to try and be with him as much as possible, to do things with him. • Orford, Addiction Dilemmas , 2012, p 82
The Stress ‐ Strain ‐ Coping ‐ Support Model Addiction FM’s stress Social Inform ‐ Coping suppor ation t FM ill ‐ health Child ‐ Adults ren
A Mother’s Network Diagram - Other + Friend in close casualty friends + A close + Work - Criminal friend colleagues - justice Mother- system in-law - Another - Husband social worker Mother + Two + Daughter's sisters social worker - Step- + father - Policeman Daughter's - Other ex- parents boyfriend - Daughter's - Daughter's schoolfriend coffee-bar and family friends
The Stress ‐ Strain ‐ Coping ‐ Support Model Addiction FM’s stress Social Inform ‐ Coping suppor ation t FM ill ‐ health Child ‐ Adults ren
Symptoms of Ill Health Symptoms of Ill Health Family members, psychiatric outpatients and Family community controls members 35 30 25 20 15 10 5 0 UK Wives Mexico P.Care P.Care Control Psych 1 2
The 5 ‐ STEP Method for helping affected family members 1. Listen non ‐ judgementally 2. Provide information 3. Discuss ways of coping 4. Explore sources of support 5. Arrange further help as needed (including the possible involvement of the addicted relative)
The 5 ‐ STEP Method
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