Conflict Resolution with Power and Privilege in Mind August 31st & September 2nd, 2020 Kad Smith, Liz Derias-Tyehimba, and Learkana Chong
Our Team / About CompassPoint
Full screen, or minimize Zoom screen Gallery View Option (recommended) Mute/Unmute and audio settings Camera On/Off Virtual background settings also found here Chat Box Reactions Name/Pronouns
TECH CHECK • Chat a quick hello to test your chat inbox • Invitation to keep cameras on (be in choice <3) • Training worksheets are provided on a Google doc: SAVE a copy now so you can take notes, and make it your own • Muted by default, we will invite folks to un-mute • Need anything? Please use the chat box
Hello! • Your name • Pronouns you use / respond to • What’s 1 word that comes to mind when you think of “conflict”?
Workshop Objectives 1. Participants shift behavior and attitudes rooted in values of dominant systems towards better habits. 2. Participants will identify at least one new way that they will approach future conflicts. 3. Participants will be able to identify their own positional power and social privilege in at least one new way. 4. Participants can identify and employ one communication competency (e.g. listening, inquiry, and empathy).
Agenda Overview DAY 1 DAY 2 Opening + The Whys of Conflict ● Skill Building and ● Application Who Am I? (in relationship to ● Focused Listening conflict) ○ Curiosity & Questions ○ Making Observations Who Am I? (in relationship to ● ○ Self-Empathy & privilege and power) ○ Empathy Next Steps and Action Communicating Across ● ● Planning Differences – External Behavior and Internal Process
Community Intentions ● Both/and thinking ● We all fumble; just remember your intent can be different from your impact ● Create space, accept space ● Observe confidentiality ● Bring your heart as well as your mind
Mingle Question Why is staying aware of privilege important when addressing conflicts?
Mingle Question Why is staying aware of positional power important during a conflict?
So… • What are some reasons we experience conflict at work? • Why are power and privilege relevant and important to conflict resolution?
STRETCH BREAK!
Conflict Styles Conflict Style Definition Fundamental Premise Dimensions* To sidestep or ignore the This isn't the right time or place to Assertive and Avoid problem, issue, or person address this issue. Uncooperative Accommodate To yield your own position Working toward a common purpose Unassertive and in favor of the other party’s is more important than any of the Cooperative need in a conflict peripheral concerns; the trauma of confronting differences may damage fragile relationships. Compete The inverse of Associates "winning" a conflict with Assertive and accommodation, where you competition. Uncooperative fight your corner and insist on ‘winning’ the conflict. Both sides yield or give up Winning something while losing a Intermediate of both Compromise part of their position in little is OK. order to resolve the issue. Working together to satisfy Teamwork and cooperation help Assertive and Collaborate both parties; distinct from everyone achieve their goals while Cooperative compromise in that neither also maintaining relationships. side has to give anything up.
Before Breakout Groups • Access the Google doc in chat so you can see & take notes from your group • You can also view the styles chart and the group questions in your own materials (on page 7 of Google manual shared with you)
BREAK!
Email us! With your questions, reflections, success stories… Learkana Chong - LearkanaC@compasspoint.org Liz Derias-Tyehimba - LizDT@compasspoint.org Kad Smith - KadS@compasspoint.org
THANK YOU! SEE YOU WEDNESDAY!
Conflict Resolution with Power and Privilege in Mind - September 2nd, 2020 Kad Smith, Liz Derias-Tyehimba, and Learkana Chong
Community Intentions ● Both/And thinking ● We all fumble; just remember your intent can be different from your impact ● Bring your heart as well as your mind ● Create Space, Accept Space ● Observe confidentiality
Welcome Back! What we did Monday What we will do today • Create your own • Why it’s important to be principles - how you aware of positional power want to be when in and social privilege in conflict conflicts • Practice listening, • We have different ways of inquiry and empathy in working with conflict and thinking through your can learn new “styles” live conflict • Hearing other perspectives
Some Personal Principles... Liz’s Principles Kad’s Principles for for Navigating Navigating Conflict Conflict 1. “I know what I know. I know what I don’t know. I don’t know what I don’t 1. Don’t take it personally. know. I know that what I once knew was wrong.” 2. Ask questions. 2. Feedback is usually not an 3. Take accountability. indictment or an appraisal of one’s character. 3. Checking my “come-from” place.
Speed Dating After each question, you will have 5 minutes together to share your responses to the question (2.5 min/person). We will send a message to your breakout room letting you know the midpoint and when to return to the main room for the next question.
What’s one of the silliest reasons you’ve been in conflict?
What’s your “conflict resolution gift” and how does it work?
How has positional power influenced a conflict you’ve had in the past? (Either the positional power you have held or the person you were in conflict with has held)
What’s one source of inspiration that has helped you to resolve a conflict? (Examples: a mentor, a spiritual practice, something you tell yourself in a conflict)
Write this down… What’s 1 thing you’ll tell yourself when a new conflict arises? (how you want to be in the conflict)
STRETCH BREAK
Superficial I’m listening to you, but I’m distracted with my own thoughts. I don’t hear you. In this listening situation, it’s really all about me. Self-referential I’m listening to you, but I will nudge the conversation. So now it becomes all about listening me. Fix-it I’m listening to you but I want to fix your issue by myself. In this situation, it’s still really all listening about me, in relation to you. Focused I’m listening to you with full attention. I want to understand who you are and what this listening experience is like for you. In this situation, it’s all about you .
Listening Skills “Focused listening” ● focused on the person speaking ● clear of distraction ● avoid problem-solving or ‘fixing’ ● if you relate, hold back your story
Practice Focused Listening In pairs, take turns listening fully to the other person’s conflict example, using focused listening. Notice if you become drawn towards other listening modes, and come back to focus on the person.
INQUIRY As you told your side of the story, what were you curious about?
Refer to page 15 on your copy of the workshop Google doc. What could you ask yourself to expand your understanding of the conflict and challenge your assumptions? What could you ask the person you are in conflict with to help open up their thinking?
Try Out Questions Refer back to your active conflict or communication breakdown. – In your pair, share 1-2 questions you are asking yourself and what you are thinking now about the conflict – Listen to the other person and ask them a question as their listening buddy
STRETCH BREAK!
Empathy and Self-Empathy 5. 1. Person B takes Pair Up & their turn in Take Turns as the same “A” & “B” exercise. 4. 2. Person A moves Person B back to their interviews chair, and back A about the 3. to their concern. Person A moves perspective. to another chair, takes on role of the person in conflict with A.
Re-engaging with Someone 1. Name the problem in 1 sentence. 2. Name my role in the situation so far. 3. Name what’s at stake – what are the consequences if we don’t address this issue? 4. Name the next steps that I recommend. 5. Invite my partner to respond. Practice it out loud to hear how it sounds!
Email us! With your questions, reflections, success stories… Learkana Chong - LearkanaC@compasspoint.org Liz Derias-Tyehimba - LizDT@compasspoint.org Kad Smith - KadS@compasspoint.org
EVALUATION! (WE REALLY DO READ THEM :) THANK YOU!!!!
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