Co Cour urage age to to Gr Grow ow Rosemary Nash: Social Services Consultant www.couragetogrow.co.nz r.nash@vodafone.co.nz Surviving Social Service Work WHEN WORK ENVIRONMENTS BECOME TOXIC. Rosemary Nash 2017 1
Opening Blessing Kia Tau Te Rangimarie Let the peace O te Rangi e tu iho nei Of the heavens above O Papatuanuku e takoto nei Of Mother earth below O te Taiao e awhi nei Of the all embracing universe Ki runga I a tatou katoa Be over us all Tihei Mauriora! Behold! Tis life Rosemary Nash 2017 2
Wellbeing DRAMA Welcome to Surviving Social Service Work: Challenging the Drama Triangle Goals: 1.Familiarise with concept of Karpman’s triangles. 2.Develop awareness of roles adopted in intrapersonal and interpersonal relationships 3.Understand effects of ‘Drama’ triangle on workplace dynamics. 4.Identify Strategies for staying in the Healthy Triangle. 3 Rosemary Nash 2017
The Drama Triangle Positions ‘One - Up’ Positions Aggressor Rescuer I’m Ok - You’re NOT OK Drama I’m NOT OK, - You’re OK Victim Rosemary Nash 2017 4 ‘One - down’ Position
Recognising the Drama Triangle Gossip, acting, playing, fooling, disguise, lying, acting, masking, covering up, A wolf in sheep’s clothing’, black humour, put downs, minimising, talking over, arrogance, knows best, taking over, not listening, disrespectful, dominant, Pleasing, addicted, inadequate, Incompetent, anxious, fearful, Hopeless, Crisis orientated, ‘ disempowered, illogical, reactive, Rosemary Nash 2017 5
Healthy Triangle Positions and Dynamic Supporter I’m Ok - You’re OK Asserter K I’m not Ok –You’re OK Mindful Self Aware Vulnerable Rosemary Nash 201 6
Karpman’s Triangles - adapted Trust Built- Empowerment Language Mindful Reflector Supporter Feel: to listen Mākohakoha Authentic Tautoko for: Healthy Powerful I Positive All Leaders Me Tu Mana Motuhake Us Asserter We Above the Line Below the Line Kaiwhakaora Aggressor Language to listen Feel: Rescuer Kaitaua for: Shame You Drama Anger They Depressed Them Frustrated It Victim S/He Trust Eroded-Oppression Pāruenga Rosemary Nash 2017 7 Bullies and Victims
Dynamics between Drama and Healthy Triangles . Observes Drama Triangle wants to pull others Nurtures into its orbit to play it’s (power) game, to have control. Resists Drama can ACT/ Deceive. Can makes Leads it’s behaviours LOOK LIKE Compassionate behaviour Healthy Triangle shows the way, leads, problem solves Pulls Healthy Triangle has to use a lot of Attacks energy to resist the pull of Drama, to Decieves stay balanced, and maintain nurturing attitudes to self and others, to ‘hold the line’. Rosemary Nash 2017 8
Features of the Drama Triangle • Playing out at different levels • Spinning • Sucking others in • Disguise • Mirroring Rosemary Nash 2017 9
Why do we Play in the Drama Triangle? We function in the Drama Triangle when we’re ‘not ok’ ourselves I’m Not OK, You’re To make ourselves feel better Not Ok To gain power To hide our insecurities from others Because that’s what we’ve always done We’ve grown up immersed in ‘drama’ Life seems boring without ‘drama’ We’ve joined a group who relate in this way I’m OK, You’re Not Ok When we come to question time you might like to share examples from your own workplace. Rosemary Nash 2017 10
No-one Wins in the Drama Triangle If you want to move out of the Drama Refuse to Play Move to the centre - don’t play ‘one - up’ or ‘one - down’ Resist the invitation to play Give up Rescuing as a key starting point Act- rather than discuss or negotiate Rosemary Nash 2017 11
Continuum Exercise Where are you mostly? Where have you been in the past Where are you now? Where do you want to be? HEALTHY DRAMA Rosemary Nash 2017 12
Become a Supporter- Lose the Rescuer Rescuing is is the pivotal role that keeps the 3-way game going Stop Fixing others Be supportive Listen more Coach Let others act 13 The Slippery Slope Rosemary Nash 2017
Become Mindful – Show empathy and Compassion, not Sympathy Be ‘SOBER’ S top O bserve BREATHE E xamine R espond Rosemary Nash 2017 14
Practice Assertion Give the Persecutor Leave of Absence Assert rather than Aggress • Find Power in Expressing your feelings and thoughts • Lead by giving give constructive feedback • Take Responsibility • Problem Solve • Ask for what you want, Say No to what you don’t want • Initiate negotiations • Take Positive Strength based Action Rosemary Nash 2017 15 • Show Respect and Generosity to others
The Healthy Compassion Triangle To stay in the Compassion The Healthy Triangle we need to be: Triangle stays Purposeful- client focused Balanced Mindful Stable Supported and Supportive Empowering Insightful Rosemary Nash 2 16
Question Time Now it’s your time to share Your questions Your Thoughts Your examples On the next slide are some references, and following that, some closing thoughts in a beautiful poem. Go well. Rosemary Nash 2017 17
Some References Byrne, Hugh G.: The Here and Now Habit, How Mindfulness can help you break unhealthy habits once and for all. New Harbinger Publications Inc, CA 2016 Buck,John: Dynamic Governance Johnson, Skip R: Google : bpdfamily.com - search for < karpman -drama -triangle> Karpman Stephen B.: ‘A Game Free Life’ PHLeadership Programme- Above and Below the Line- unpublished (incorporated into slide 7 in this presentation) Rosemary Nash 2017 18
Ending Do not try to save the whole world Or do anything grandiose. Instead, create a clearing In the dense forest of your life And wait there patiently, Until the song that is yours alone to sing Falls into your open cupped hands And you recognise and greet it. Only then will you know How to give yourself to this world, So worthy of rescue. Martha Postlethwaite (quoted in The Here and Now Habit) Rosemary Nash 2017 19
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