Building Mental Toughness St Finbar’s Catholic Primary School, Glenbrook Monday, 11th September 2017 Author Anoushka Houseman Wellbeing Coordinator: Programs & Initiatives Catholic Education Diocese of Parramatta 1
What is Mental Toughness? Being able to: • cope with and bounce back from difficult experiences • adapt to challenging situations and experiences • maintain a sense of hope and positivity • believe that you have the ability and resourcefulness to get through these experiences • persevere and show determination (never give up!) Mental Toughness is about being RESILIENT 2
What it doesn’t mean... Mental toughness is not about: • being happy all the time • rarely experiencing disappointment / sadness / anger • always reaching your goals • being uncompromising or rigid in your beliefs • always being sure of yourself 3
What makes some kids MORE resilient than others? • Positive modelling from key adults around them • Being naturally more optimistic • Being able to self regulate their emotions • Being more connected with others • Experiencing success • A sense of independence • Having high self esteem • Being empathic towards others • Being able to manage anxiety better 4
Anxiety • Anxiety is a normal and necessary emotion, which can help us detect and avoid danger. • Normal anxiety is transient, manageable and can be motivating. • The fight - flight response is a natural and evolved reaction to danger. • We need anxiety - it protects us and helps us to focus! • However sometimes our brains may perceive a threat that’s not actually real or is out of proportion to the event. • Event -> thought (alarm) -> feeling-> behaviour 5
Excessive Anxiety ● A “false alarm” when there is no actual danger or threat ● An exaggerated response to a perceived threat ● Anxiety can be a problem when it stops children from progressing in the three responsibilities of childhood: learning, making friends and having fun. ● 1 in 5 students are at risk of developing an anxiety disorder. ● Anxiety may be defined as a disorder when these responses to stress are more intense than would be considered appropriate, are more frequent and non-transient and disrupt the child’s ability to function normally. 6
What makes some kids more anxious? • Genetics (about 30 - 40% of anxiety is considered to be genetic/inherited) • Environmental factors (e.g., high conflict in the home, trauma, peer rejection, chronic illness, disruption in schooling, overly protected, unrealistic expectations, modelling etc) • A combination of both 7
Understanding Anxiety • Helping young people to understand anxiety can really help them regain their sense of power and control over their emotions. • Anxiety can be scary but it cannot hurt you. It is designed to protect you. Notice physical symptoms: fast breathing, heart rate increases, • butterflies in stomach, shaky or jittery etc and understanding why you are experiencing them can be helpful. Understand why these physical symptoms are happening in • your body and how to combat it. 8
What Can Anxiety Look Like (Behaviours)? • Perfectionism • Difficulty coping with changes /rigid thinking - resistance • Always needing to be right • Wanting to take charge / control • ‘Shutting down’ / non responsive • ‘Perfect’ at school (often not at home!) • Oppositionality / stubbornness • Avoidance of certain things/people • School refusal • Self harm 9
Thoughts Feelings and Behaviours We often assume it is the situation that determines how we will feel • • Actually it is the way we perceive or think about the situation that determines how we will feel about it and act • How we feel about the situation may then determine how we will act • Example: Two students who both spent very little time on a homework project and get low marks = SITUATION - Thought 1: I am stupid, I can’t do schoolwork - Action 1: Give up on future projects versus - Thought 2: I didn’t prepare and paid the price - Action 2: more effort put into future projects 10
Unhelpful Thinking Styles • All or nothing / black & white thinking / labelling • Jumping to conclusions (mind reading, predicting) • Personalisation (self blaming) • Overgeneralisation (one time means every time from now on) • Catastrophising (expect worst possible outcomes) • Emotional reasoning (using our emotions as evidence) • Filtering (not seeing the full picture) • ‘Should have’ statements 11
Challenging Unhelpful Thoughts • Not just about thinking positively • It’s about REALISTIC thinking • Do we have genuine evidence for these unhelpful thoughts or are we getting trapped into an unhealthy style of thinking? • Challenge unhelpful thoughts by collecting conflicting evidence (idea of being a thought detective) • Replace unhelpful thought with a more realistic or alternative thought that is more positive and helpful • Remembering thoughts do not have to dictate our actions 12
What else increases anxiety? • Avoidance of things that worry you breeds more anxiety • Messages and/or modelling of key adults around them that are consistent with the belief that something is dangerous or scary (e.g., helicopter parenting) • A lack of independence • Overexposure to news media (vicarious trauma) • Social media can contribute and exacerbate • A sense of helplessness • Not feeling connected with others / isolated 13
More ways to teach mental toughness Teaching: • Growth mindset • Mindfulness skills • Social skills to interact positively with others • Empathy and helping behaviours • Emotion coaching • Effective goal setting • A positive self concept • Optimism and hope • Change is part of life 14
What is a Growth Mindset? • Embracing challenges • Persist despite setbacks • Learning from criticism • Understand that effort and practice is needed to get better at something • Learning from others and being inspired by others successes • +ve academic and social outcomes 15
Mindfulness • Mindfulness is an awareness of the here and now • Not the past, not the future, not being on auto pilot • It is using all the senses to ground yourself in the present and pay attention to what is happening right now without any judgment - accepting • Awareness & acceptance • Takes practice to get good at • Consider the Smiling Mind app 16
DIY Glitter Jars - As A Calming Tool Glitter jar - "Just Breathe" clip 17
Social Skills to promote • Observing successes and skills in others • Modelling of positive behaviours observed in others (e.g., eye contact and positive body language, admitting mistakes, forgiving etc) • Assertiveness (as opposed to aggression or meekness) • How to start and continue conversations with others • Reading social cues • Developing problem solving skills 18
Problem Solving 19
Teaching Empathy & Helping Behaviours • Kids feel empowered by helping others • Teach kids from an early age to understand what it is like to walk in someone else’s shoes • Helping others increases self esteem and empathy • Helping others also contributes to a sense of accomplishment and self confidence • Use emotion coaching to help develop empathy and emotion regulation. 20
Emotion Coaching • Children need feedback about their feelings and thoughts to learn self-control • Over time children learn to use ‘feeling’ words to describe their experiences to others • ‘When children experience an attuned connection [empathy] from a responsive adult they feel good about themselves because their emotions have been given some resonance and reflection. ’ Siegel, D. 1999 The Developing Mind Guilford Press • This helps children to learn emotional regulation. 21
How to do Emotion Coaching • Time it when noticing early stages of emotion • Reflect on their perspective • Then use 3 - 4 statements indicating you understand what they are feeling • Check your understanding of what they are going through by reflecting what you think you have heard from them. • Validate their emotions not their behaviour. Focus only on emotion at this point. 22
Emotion Coaching continued... • Use ‘stem’ statements to help label the emotion and show empathy: – ‘I’m guessing you’re feeling ….’ – ‘It’s horrible when you feel….’ – ‘It seems like you’re …’ – ‘If somebody said/did that to me, I’d be feeling pretty …’ • Although we may worry that by doing this we are increasing their emotion, the reality is the opposite • This helps to calm them / emotionally regulate • Deal with behaviour /problem solve later if needed 23
Goal Setting • Ensure goals are specific and realistic • Breakdown goals into smaller steps • Build a ladder with ultimate goal at the top • Make sure the ladder has gradual steps to mastery • Start at the bottom step and set up rewards for achieving success at each step • Use problem solving skills • Goals may be about achieving anxiety goals or about learning goals or friendship goals etc - can be anything! • Focus on one goal at a time • Celebrate all successes and effort! 24
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