Omit Needless Words Use the Active Voice Bad: Bad: With the beginning of the new 2010’s, it is readily ascertainable More remote, less densely populated suburbs, whose lower values that there has been little if any improvement in the overall national were often a function of how far they were from work centers, and or general local economy. It is expected by some economists that a small towns in rural locations, whose lower values were a reflection general upturn on the national level should come about sometime of the di ffi culty of earning a living, are likely to see considerable during mid-2011. However, with the increase in taxes starting in appreciation of their property values in the next two decades. January, this will reduce the amount of free funds available for the stimulation of consumer spending. Better: Since many people will no longer have to commute to work centers to earn a living, property values in the more distant suburbs and Better: In 2010 we saw little if any improvement in the economy, national rural areas should appreciate considerably in the next two decades. or local, and although some economists expect an upturn in mid-2011, the tax increase scheduled to begin in January will leave Also Better: consumers with less money to spend. Rural and exurban property values should appreciate considerably in the next two decades as it becomes easier for people to earn a living in areas remote from work centers. Use the Active Voice Weak Verbs Bad: Bad: The shelter will be owned by the town, but it will be run by The English Department is unusually strong for a college of this members of the humane society and supported, in part, by funds size. It consists of twelve faculty members, whose fields of special raised by them. The bulk of the operating funds, however, will be interest cover the range of English and American literature. The supplied by the town. diversity and educational background of this department is suggested by the fact that important work published by its members includes such subjects as Shakespeare, Milton, Jane Better: Austen, Tennyson, Wordsworth, Pope, and Melville. The town will own the shelter, but members of the humane society will run the facility and partially support it, through fundraising. The town will also pay most of the operating costs. Better: The twelve faculty members who compose the English Department make it an unusually strong one for a college of this size. Their Even Better: diverse backgrounds cover the range of English and American Although the town will own the shelter and pay most of the literature, and their publications include important works on operating costs, members of the humane society will run the Shakespeare, Milton, Jane Austen, Tennyson, Wordsworth, Pope, facility and provide additional support through fund raising. and Melville.
Avoid “There is” and “It is” Ponderous Nouns Bad: Bad: There is a hasty way of writing which is counterpart to the hasty The inference that because high school graduates are more likely way of reading. It is becoming more common every year and raises to be employed than dropouts, the di ff erences may be attributed to less and less protest. the possession of a diploma is suspect since dropouts and graduates may di ff er in a variety of ways relevant to both graduation prospects and employment status. Better: A hasty way of writing, counterpart to the hasty way of reading, grows more common every year and raises less protest. Better: It is not necessarily the diploma that makes high school graduates more employable than dropouts; other di ff erences may a ff ect both Even Better: their education and their job prospects. Hasty writing, like hasty reading. . . Strings of Prepositional Phrases Strings of Prepositional Phrases Bad: Bad: The more reasoned analysis made by the Saint-Simonians of the At the meeting there will be a report to the stockholders on the nature of the new power situation in France and of the reasons the progress of the company during the past year. A discussion period present government could not satisfy the needs of the people was will also take place, during which the stockholders will have an confirmed by these developments. opportunity to discuss matters of company interest. Better: Better: These developments confirmed the Saint-Simonians’ more At the meeting the president [or whoever] will report to reasoned analysis of the new power situation in France and of the stockholders on the company’s progress during the year and then present government’s inability to satisfy the people’s needs. invite questions.
Strings of Prepositional Phrases Condensing Bad: There are at least two larger opportunities that exist in this area. The financial statements and related data presented elsewhere in The result is an organization that is uniquely tailored to its this report have been prepared in accordance with generally customer base. accepted accounting principles, which require the measurement of financial position and operating results in terms of historical dollars Those who are invited to participate on the panel pay their own without regard to changes in the relative purchasing power of expenses. money over time. Montaque, which is located in the far northwest corner of the state, is the best place for sighting blue herons. Better: Following generally accepted accounting principles, this report He believes that in order to study e ffi ciently you need. . . states the company’s financial position, operating results, and related data in historical dollars, disregarding changes in The response on the part of top management to the proposal. . . purchasing power. In the process of actually doing the job, you learn. . . More Condensing Avoid Redundancy In the case of Lehman Brothers, the company didn’t adjust quickly unprecedented interest rates that set an all-time record enough to the changing market. generously assisted us with their help The remark seemed hostile in character and o ff ended the continued to maintain success since the outset of our entry into interviewer. the computer field The principal assets of the bank are monetary in nature. green in color The production was of inferior quality. twenty-four in number In the instance of our first production our mistake was faulty handsome in appearance casting. rectangular in shape We relied on the factor of surprise to give us an advantage. They showed a greater degree of interest in the outcome.
Repetitive Redundancy Very, really, truly, actually. . . awful first introduced very large enormous, huge, gigantic, massive, gargantuan, colossal, immense, final coup de gr giant, titanic, towering, tremendous, mammoth, or behemoth totally devoid of flawless perfection really terrific a small trifle absolutely stunning truly sensational a new innovation extremely vital straight linear movement very devestating general consensus rather furious irritated or angered fairly essential important or useful
Recommend
More recommend
