Hello again PSADA Members! Before we get to the slides from my Thursday morning opening keynote at this year ’ s conference, I wanted to publicly answer a few of the questions I received after my presentation. These questions were quite common and I ’ m sure other people are thinking them. Q: “ What if it doesn ’ t work? ” A: No matter what “ it ” is, no technique works every time with every person in every situation. So, what do you do when a strategy simply DOESN ’ T? Try something else! It ’ s okay to try the first technique again to be sure you ’ re doing everything right, but the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. When dealing with people, we ’ ve got to be flexible and have a toolbox full of “ connection ” and “ power ” tools that can help us get any job done. After each difficult encounter, take a moment to reflect on what YOU might have done better. Sure it ’ s easy to play the blame game or to work yourself up thinking about what a pain in the butt the other person was, but at the end of the day, the only way it ’ s going to get better is if you change your approach. “ What went wrong? ” is always a better question than “ Who went wrong? ” so ask yourself, “ What can I do differently next time? ” Q: Would you speak at my school/conference/rally/teacher in-service day/etc? A. Like you, I have a heart for our youth and the people who work hard to lead the next generation into adulthood. Normally, I speak about how to be more influential, but when I present for teens, I teach them how to AVOID the influence of their peers and how to make wise choices. The program is called “ Be Your Own Boss ” and I ’ m pretty busy with it around Red Ribbon Week! In fact, I ’ ve written a book specifically for teens called, THiNK: Advice for Teens Who Want to Avoid Drama and Achieve Awesomeness and you can download it for FREE (on Saturday 3/19 ONLY) here:
http://www.amazon.com/THiNK-Advice-Teenagers-Achieve- Awesomeness-ebook/dp/B007P7J57A/ If there are teens in your life that you care about, please share this book with them. For teachers, my program centers around how to deal with difficult people (bosses, co-workers, students, but let ’ s be real … the parents are usually the worst.) Email me at tim@magicwordsbook.com and let ’ s discuss if these or any of my other programs would be a fit for your group. Q: “ Is it possible to PREVENT problems with the parents before they happen? ” A: Tell the parents HOW to disagree with you. At the beginning of the season, let everyone know that you ’ re not perfect (humility is one of those amazing traits that projects BOTH power AND connection) and that there will be disagreements along the way (having a heads up ALWAYS lessens the impact when something bad arrives). However, no matter what, your priorities are as follows________ (the kids, character, sportsmanship, winning, education, or whatever your priorities are). ASK the parents and the student athletes to help hold you accountable to those priorities. Tell them that IF at any time they feel like you ’ re messing something up; your door is always open. Heck, give them your personal cell phone. By encouraging feedback, parents won ’ t have to fester about their child ’ s playing time for weeks before exploding on you from the stands. AND by telling them exactly how you want to be communicated with in those situations, you won ’ t be leaving it up to them to decide that screaming and yelling is their best bet. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, right? Q: What ’ s the BEST way to deal with someone who is so angry that they can ’ t even think straight?
A. During my presentation, we talked about a specific process and you ’ ll find those steps laid out in the slides below. However, I wanted to give you another example of how some of the components might be used if a parent becomes irate during a game. The magic words used will be in parenthesis. “ Jim! (Their Name) You ’ re right. (That counts as a “ yes ” ) You ’ ve been one of our most involved and supportive parents and I want to thank you for that. (Thanks) Obviously, we both know how important basketball is to Jim Jr. and how important this team is to him. (More agreement – that counts as a “ yes ” too, but also, this takes the attention off of any anger and puts the focus back where it belongs, on the student and what matters to him – that ’ s a very strong “ because ” ). Let ’ s hang back after the game and discuss this then, okay? ” (That sentence offers them an honorable “ out ” . They know they ’ ll have a chance to have their say.) Remember the magic words “ their name, ” yes, thanks, and because and use them often. For more ideas, you can download an audio interview I did with David Frees (Steve Forbes called him the “ Grandmaster of communication ” ) at http://www.MagicWordsBook.com/download-area Q: “ What else can I try? I ’ m desperate? ” A: Tasers. Kidding! No lawsuits please. There is a real answer coming. I ’ m going out on a limb with this one, but hey … desperate times call for desperate measures. Sometimes it ’ s best not to change the message, but instead change the messenger. What if the student took your side and told their angry parent that the best way they can support them is to help them support the team? That might carry a lot more weight than the same message coming from you. It is likely that coaches have more time with the students than with the parents anyway. Use those opportunities to train the athletes about
sportsmanship, teamwork, and also about what to do if their parents try anything “ unsportsmanlike ” throughout the season. Now, let ’ s take another look at those slides! (Scroll down.)
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