1/29/2019 Welcome NICU Consortium Education Program January 30, 2019 Focusing on Fathers 9:00 am Welcome and Announcements 9:15 am “Teen Fathers: The Forgotten Parent” Rick Ellsmore, Glass Hearts Founder & Program Director Children’s CAMP Clinic , Fatherhood Coordinator 10:15 am Break 10:30 am “Supporting the Dads during and after the NICU ”. John R. Holmberg, Psy.D. PC NICU Consortium Membership Please support us in continuing to provide these educational programs related to the care of premature, medically fragile, and at-risk families. Sign up at the Special Kids, Special Care website. www.specialkids-specialcare.org NICU Consortium Partnership Meeting – February 22, 2019 10 am to 12 noon Jefferson County Health Department, 945 Parfet St., Lakewood, CO 80215 Join us to learn about our programs and activities and how you can become involved in supporting our efforts to support families of premature and medically fragile infants. Glass Hearts 1
1/29/2019 Please write questions down for Q & A at the end Jakob Merle Ellsmore • Born @ PSL NICU • Birth photo at 24 weeks • 1.12 pounds • 123 days in NICU Glass Hearts Focus We all have glass hearts, scarred hearts, that have been broken in some way. It is in community that these unique broken shards can be gathered and meticulously melded back together. 2
1/29/2019 Glass Hearts Focus In the end, it is empathy and love that serves as a glazier that connects our wounded hearts, building them into a stained glass masterpiece — a community of complex mosaics. This arduous, but beautiful process brings wholeness and joins us together to form a diverse and profound community. Glass Hearts Focus • Young/New Dads ages 16-21 • Focus is on emotional & social areas • Meet at Moorhead Rec Center in Aurora • 16 week empathy-based curriculum focusing on: • Manhood • Fatherhood • Emotions • Communication Children’s Hospital • Young Moms Clinic • Moms age out at 21 Connect with dads (ages 15- • 30) • Use Glass Hearts curriculum 3
1/29/2019 Fatherhood Focus • Understanding empathy so you treat your child, others, and yourself kindly • Learn to love/accept yourself so you can fully love your child • Try to live by the Golden/Platinum Rule Caleb’s Story Gaps in Service • All areas of society • No longer teaching • Little encouragement • 80% reality 4
1/29/2019 American Fatherhood Extremely important to identity • 57% dads • 58% moms Childcare time • 10 hours in 2016 • 4 hours in 1965 Household chores • 14 hours in 2016 • 4 hours in 1965 Q & A The Critical Questions 5
1/29/2019 Fathers? • How to (do we?) include fathers? • How to (do we?) make them feel welcome? • How to (do we?) thank them for showing up? Father Inclusion: • Do fathers need to be involved? • If so, why? And what difference does it make? • The need to educate ALL those who come in contact with NICU parents • Need to change the “language” • Affects advertising • Affects how we answer the phone • Affects how we welcome & invite into the process • Affects how we thank dads for their involvement “Gift” Dads a New Message Speak into their fear by helping them understand that they are wanted, and needed, in the process of birth, postpartum, and over their child’s life— Lifetime Fatherhood! 6
1/29/2019 Jakob Merle Ellsmore • 17 years old • Healthy • CareerWise Program • Graphic Design Have an awesome day! Rick Ellsmore • Grew up in Alaska • Fathering experience • Healed/healing process 7
1/29/2019 Watch for the Education Calendar February 2019 Promoting Parent-Child Relationships Scales (NCAST) Centennial, Colorado Feeding Scale Assessment Certification • April 26, May 3, May 10 and June 7, 2019 8:30 am to 4:30 pm • Teaching Scale Assessment Certification July 26, August 2 and August 9, 2019 8:30 am to 4:30 pm Zoya Dickins Miller Neonatal Conference Mary 1, 2019 8:00 am to 3:15 pm Neonatal Feeding Challenges Penrose House Conference Center, Carriage House, Colorado Springs Infant and Family Trauma: Spotlight on Families, Systems and Reflective Practice March 9 - 10, 2019 9:00 am to 5:00 pm The Mariposa Center for Infant, Child and Families, Systems and Reflective Practice Denver, CO http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/45-photos-of-parents-that-capture-their-emotional-nicu-journeys_us_56421939e4b0b24aee4bdce2? https://www.today.com/parents/dwayne-rock-johnson-tweets-about-skin-skin-baby-t127824 John Holmberg, Psy.D. Dr.John@ChildFamilyPsych.org ChildFamilyPsych.org and RealMensCounseling.com 303.503.4448 • Clinical psychologist • Training • CU Boulder, Baylor University, Yale University - Child Study Center, CU Health Sciences • Complementary practice specialties • Men and Dads • Men’s transition to fathering, prenatal & post -partum depression, fertility, birth trauma, bereavement and infant loss • Anxiety, Depression, ADHD, alcohol/cannabis/substance misuse infidelity, anger management, career re-direct, life change adjustment, divorce/family transitions, child/teen/young adult parent guidance • Child & Adolescent Psychology • ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, school & learning challenges, social difficulties, family transitions, grief, young adult failure-to-launch • NICU specific experiences • Working with many families around developmental assessments for their premature and LBW babies during Fellowship • Counseling dads, after complicated births and NICU experiences • 1 st hand stories about my wife and sister-in-law, twins - NICU graduates in the 1970’s 8
1/29/2019 GOAL: Increased Support for Parents and Babies Experiencing NICU 2. Potentially avoidable negative outcomes from NICU time 3. Strategies 1. Context – cited as Phenomenon clinically of transition helpful to fathering for men GOAL: Increased Support for NICU Parents and Babies Screening tools 4. Growing literature on interventions Pilot Studies Case Example – the Intro Buck – • Became a tax attorney, in part, because of the predictability and flow of the work • He & his wife planned their first pregnancy so the birth would fall into the month of May • Their daughter was born exactly on the expended date of birth, exactly as planned – down to the meal provided at the hospital • They waited precisely 16 months to try for a second pregnancy so the birth could coincided with his becoming a partner in his firm (and he could slow down with the volume of work and be more engaged with the family)… they were pregnant right away • At their 33-week prenatal follow-up, his wife developed acute complications and they were taken by ambulance to the closest hospital • During the birth, his wife had to be resuscitated twice • His son experienced respiratory distress but was otherwise healthy and relatively heavy for his estimated weeks of gestation 9
1/29/2019 2. Potentially avoidable negative outcomes from NICU time 3. Strategies 1. Context – cited as Phenomenon clinically of transition to fathering helpful for men GOAL: Increased Support for NICU Parents and Babies Screening tools 4. Growing literature on interventions Pilot Studies Transition to Parenting - Guys • Phenomenology • Men’s sense of pregnancy tends to be more abstract • Seldom do men articulate having children as part of their life plan – expected but less specific and concrete • Few social rituals (and classes) for men around preg. & childbirth • Greater variation in men’s age at birth, less likely to feel part of a cohort • Men’s sense of bonding with the baby tends to emerge ( a bit ) later • Fathers, especially resident fathers, experience many ( unanticipated ) life changes after the birth of a child • New roles, responsibilities, restrictions, daily routines and revision of all existing relationships • Co-parenting is a key new role to be negotiated • Persistent stress with few immediate rewards • Restructuring of one’s sense of self and priorities • Shifting cultural expectations around gender roles and infant care • “not at all like my father/grandfather parented” Transition to Parenting – Guys = Heterogeneity or Heterogeneous DEFINTION: Not a single unified group, representative of lots of variation, great diversity a mish-mash, a mix-up, a potpourri 10
1/29/2019 Key Features of Paternal Heterogeneity Associated with Fathers Experiences • Demographic factors, often moderators, are very important • Marriage & Cohabitation • Age (of the mom & of the dad) • 1 st time paternal caregiver vs. caring for other children • Prior NICU experiences – self or close family • Prior child care experience, especially infant care • Education, Felony, Work, Legal Resident, Poverty • Religiosity • Micro-Culture – e.g., acceptability or expectable “multi - partner fertility” • Prior sx of depression, anxiety, substance/alcohol misuse/abuse • Maternal gatekeeping (or family gatekeeping e.g. Abuelita ) http://babyblues.com/comic_tag/take-over/ Typically, well Intentioned… but still Family Gatekeeping • 11
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