Dimensions of Transition RIGHT START 2020 AMY THOMPSON, LCSW, LSCSW
You must leave well to start well…
Change Versus Transition Change is not the same as transition Change is external Transition is internal and happens more slowly
Grief and Loss • Moving is a tangible loss, allow yourself to grieve • Honor the process for yourself • Stages of grief from Kubler-Ross and Rando
Reflection Questions What will you miss? Identify what you are losing.
Stages of Grief…Kubler -Ross
Reflection Questions What might it mean for you to enter the painful reality of your losses rather than avoid them? How would it change your prayer life to bring to God what is actually in you and not what you think ought to be in you? In what ways are you tempted to spin or cover over your losses and miss God’s deeper work in you?
Honor the Process • Saying goodbye o Important process for you and for those you are leaving o Acknowledge the grief of the leaving congregation o Determine goodbye practices for your family • Take time to help others understand the process of your relationship changing due to next appointment
Relationships in the New Setting
Are You Aware Of? • Reactions of others to change • Anxiety lives in our world • Past interactions are in the present interaction • Making stuff up in your head
Left Hemisphere Right Hemisphere Logical Senses emotions and info from the body Linear Random Linguistic Nonverbal Literal Can put things in context and see the whole picture Senses body information
Connect to Redirect Connect with Right Redirect with Left Touch Solutions Tone of voice Words Facial expression Planning Empathy Logical explanations Pausing Setting boundaries Connect with the Right Redirect with the Left • Acknowledge feelings in • Notice a sense of calm then nonjudgmental way redirect using logical approach • Act of attunement allows other and problem solving person to “feel felt” before trying to solve problems or address situations Dr. Dan Siegel’s work
Positive Intent Principles • See the best in others • What you offer to others, you strengthen within yourself • Attributing positive intent creates opportunities to transform resistance into cooperation • People can not behave differently until they are seen differently Dr. Becky Bailey’s work
Starting well…
Honor the Process • Acknowledge the grief and feelings of the receiving congregation • Acknowledge the grief and loss that you are still working through • Seek support through a mentor, a coach, a clergy colleague, or conference staff as you assess the change in role for you o Small to big church, big to small church, associate pastor to lead pastor o Navigating the relationships with retired pastors that may be in your congregation through direct conversation
Self Care and Boundaries in New Setting • Use self care skills for physical, emotional and social well being • Your Schedule o Spiritual disciplines, personal time with family, Sabbath time o Communicate with PPR so they can support your schedule o How will you be mindful of finding balance with your schedule? • Plan vacation or time away • Seek mental health support o EAP services
https://www.liveandworkwell.com/en/member/benefits/eap.html
Covenant • Pause…Enjoy a moment of silence. • Take a few minutes to read the covenant. • Reflect on the statements that caused you to pause and think easier said than done. o Name the resistance or identify the obstacle(s). o How will you remain mindful of these statements as you transition over the next few months?
Parting Thoughts for this Transition… There is unwavering peace today… When an uncertain tomorrow… Is Is tr trusted ed to a an u n unc nchang ngin ing g Go God. d. -- --Ann Ann Vo Voska kamp mp
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