COMMUNICATE TO INFLUENCE Welcome Please feel free to enter your name and organisation in to the chat function as we wait for all participants to arrive Eileen Browne - Training Consultant
What makes us tick? … and what’s that got to do with onions?
THE HUMAN ONION
The Value of Values Operating principles that guide an organisation’s internal conduct as well as its relationship with the external world
The Value of Values Values are the things we believe are important in the way we live and work. They can determine our standards of behaviour
Values Influenced from early on in our childhood – by the ‘big’ people.
Values Influenced from early on in our childhood – by the ‘big’ people. Attitudes and Beliefs Influenced by our values
Values Influenced from early on in our childhood – by the ‘big’ people. Attitudes and Beliefs Influenced by our values Feelings An internal response, related to our attitudes and beliefs
Values Influenced from early on in our childhood – by the ‘big’ people. Attitudes and Beliefs Influenced by our values Feelings An internal response, related to our attitudes and beliefs Behaviour An external reaction to all of the above
A thought someone shared with me “Isn’t it funny how we judge others by their behaviour, but we judge ourselves by our motives”
CHOOSE A BABYSITTER CHARACTER A CHARACTER B • Actively rebellious • Brought up with a religious education • Showed disregard for law and • Interested in the arts authority • Described as a promoter of • Described by many as studious violence and symbol of resistance and ambitious • Imprisoned, accused of terrorist • A willing volunteer and missionary type activity • Loyal serviceman • Married 3 times • Awarded for bravery • Consistently absent as a father and • Respected as an authority in his husband field
Choose a babysitter CHARACTER A CHARACTER B • Actively rebellious • Brought up with a religious education • Showed disregard for law and • Interested in the arts authority • Described as a promoter of • Described by many as studious violence and symbol of and ambitious resistance • A willing volunteer and • Imprisoned, accused of terrorist missionary type activity • Loyal serviceman • Married 3 times • Awarded for bravery • Consistently absent as a father • Respected as an authority in his and husband field
Choose a babysitter CHARACTER A CHARACTER B
AUDIAL VISUAL KINAESTHETIC
Communication Style Preferences FACTS & PEOPLE & FIGURES FEELINGS NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTS
Communication Style Preferences FACTS & PEOPLE & FIGURES FEELINGS Logical Decides after evaluation Wants appreciation for job done – but does not want to be condescended to More concerned with ideas and principles than people May be self-critical NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTS
Communication Style Preferences FACTS & PEOPLE & FIGURES FEELINGS Logical Nice Decides after evaluation Can be slow to change Wants appreciation for job Avoids confrontation and done – but does not want to be conflict Wants harmony condescended to More concerned with ideas and Likes to know motivations Intuitive principles than people May be self-critical NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTS
Communication Style Preferences FACTS & PEOPLE & FIGURES FEELINGS Logical Nice Decides after evaluation Can be slow to change Wants appreciation for job done Avoids confrontation and – but does not want to be conflict Wants harmony condescended to More concerned with ideas and Likes to know motivations Intuitive principles than people May be self-critical NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTS Fun Enthusiastic Optimistic Unstructured Can be mischievous Forms opinions from feelings People oriented
Communication Style Preferences FACTS & PEOPLE & FIGURES FEELINGS Logical Nice Decides after evaluation Can be slow to change Wants appreciation for job Avoids confrontation and done – but does not want to be conflict Wants harmony condescended to More concerned with ideas Likes to know motivations Intuitive and principles than people May be self-critical NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTS Fun Results oriented Enthusiastic Direct Optimistic Loves change and challenge Unstructured Decides quickly Can be mischievous Risk taker Forms opinions from feelings Seeks solutions People oriented Can be hasty
GREEN – Facts & Figures • Provide data • Take out or don’t use fluff/waffle – straight facts • Give them incentives. • Set challenges so they have a sense of achievement • Use pictograms/charts to make proposition visual Other suggestions…… • Focus on What, When, Where and How? • Give step by step instructions • Give positive feedback, encouragement and reassurance • Provide evidence • Appeal to their expertise and competence • Allow time for plenty of questions • Have clearly defined deadlines • Provide standards and parameters
BLUE – People & Feelings • Give them data about people’s lives/material situation • Values • Give them time to process info • Give them reassurance that idea wont cause disharmony or conflict • Promote community cohesion Other suggestions……. • Build rapport and trust – get to know them • Acknowledge how they are feeling • Use the words “ I feel…” “I think…” • Make clear the “WHY” • Teamwork, working in collaboration • Get consensus • Have a gentle, tacit approach • BIG picture – positive impact on multiple people
YELLOW – New ideas & Creativity • Positive people/like positive words • Bright shiny images • Feel inclusive • Give solutions • Beginning and end/less about the middle • Need for interactive workshops • Brainstorming • Team building exercises Other suggestions……. • Capture their imagination • Give specific directions • Use humour and images • Set/hit mini goals • Series of short meetings for check in and review
RED – Challenge & Results • CEOs – not detailed people • Don’t overload with lots of detail • Focus on solutions and how they impact their decision making • Show benefit and potential rewards of the risks taken • Share what it will mean to them • Present them with direct messages • Not conversational approach/more direct • Ask for a decision. Not open ended – give them planned options from which to choose Other suggestions……. • Get to the point /Talk results/Anticipate questions • Frame proposition in terms of problem/solution • Use language such as: Direct, Immediate, Total • Introduce, timescales, milestones
Reflection and Action Thinking about communication style preferences …. • What strengths do I have in my communication style approach? • Which new approaches could I try to communicate with more influence?
In order to be understood, Seek first to understand Stephen Covey 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
Mummy Bull?
LISTENING…. “Next to physical survival, the greatest human need is psychological survival; to be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, to be appreciated. When you listen with empathy to another person you give that person psychological air. And after that vital need is met, you can then focus on influencing or problem solving.” Steven Covey 1991
E’sy Listening? EARS ENVIRONMENT EYES EGO EXPERIENCE EMOTIONS EXPECTATION
What gets in the way of being an effective listener? Your feedback via Chat • Too busy • Too busy thinking what to say next • Bored • My mind is racing ahead thinking about how they are talking • Judgement • Anger/fear • Attention span • Distractions • Being pre-occupied with something else • Not being prepared • Preconceptions – ideas that are already ingrained in yourself • Jumping to conclusions (without properly listening to a point of view)
7 Ways To Listen More Effectively • Silence the inner talk • Don’t interrupt • Don’t plan you answer half way • Avoid assuming the end • Sum up and reflect back • Check for understanding • Ask questions
Ask the right questions……. • Ask OPEN questions to encourage discussion…‘ WHAT?’ ‘WHEN?’ ‘HOW?’ ‘WHO?’ ‘ WHERE?’ ‘TELL ME ABOUT ’ • Ask CLOSED questions if you want to clarify • Ask PROBING questions • Avoid WHY questions (sometimes)???? • Ask questions in informal language – this is a conversation not an interrogation
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