Becoming Yourself to Become a Better Leader
"The point is not to become a leader. The point is to become yourself , to use yourself completely -- all your skills, gifts, and energies -- in order to make your vision manifest." - Warren Bennis, On Becoming a Leader .
Unlocking the Code “Personal proficiency comes from knowing your predispositions, strengths, and weaknesses. It is about extracting important lessons from your life experiences and applying them with care, discernment, energy, courage, and humanity. It requires equal measures of self-awareness and self-discipline -- a certain quality of mindfulness in going about the intertwined businesses of life and work." - Dave Ulrich, Norm Smallwood, and Kate Sweetman from The Leadership Code . http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FC6p9yXdOjE leadershipcodebook.com – free assessment
leadershipcodebook.com
Redefining What It Means To Be A Leader
Goals for this Session: To understand what emotional intelligence (EQ) really is; and To learn how we can manage it in our lives
PREDATOR!! Where reason & feeling collide! Three Typical Responses: 1. Fight 2. Flight 3. Freeze
Your Brain is Hard-Wired to Give Emotions the Upper Hand First reaction always emotional Signals pass from cell to cell Enter brain at spinal cord Pass through limbic system where emotions are produced End at frontal lobe where reason resides (our ability to think rationally) Working Memory
Emotions can help and hurt you! Do you control your emotions? Or are your emotions controlling you?
Can You Identify Your Emotions? 64% 36% Able to ID their Emotions Controlled by their Emotions
We Learn . . . how to read, write, report on bodies of knowledge, but lack the skills to manage our emotions!
Good decisions require more than factual knowledge. . .
Good decisions are made using self- knowledge and emotional mastery.
Frustrated Anxious Passionate Depressed Elated Heartbroken Perturbed Irate Guilty Terrified Silly Thrilled Hopeless Furious Sorrowful Glad Cheerful Unhappy Tender Timid Lost Insecure Nervous Cautious Apologetic Apprehensive Upset Bashful
Who You Are: Intelligence: Your ability to learn - this is the same at 15 or 50 Personality: Your personal style & preferences – this does NOT change either EQ IQ Personality
Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is: Your ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others, and Your ability to use this awareness to manage your behavior and relationships. What I See What I Do Personal Self- Self- Competence Awareness Management Social Social Relationship Competence Awareness Management
How Important is EQ? Decision Making Change Time Tolerance Management Assertiveness Communication Empathy Stress Customer Tolerance Presentation Service Skills Social Skills Anger Management Accountability Trust Flexibility EQ Foundation for a Host of Critical Skills
EQ Explains Success Beyond IQ EQ
EQ accounts for 58% of performance in the workplace. EQ is the SINGLE biggest predictor of performance and strongest driver of leadership and personal excellence. 90% of high performers have high levels of EQ. Only 20% of low performers have high levels of EQ.
How Developed is Your Pathway?
Your EQ Action Plan Take a self-test to measure your current EQ. Pick an EQ skill to work on. Pick 3 strategies to begin using for your skill. Choose an EQ mentor. Measure your progress. Keep the following in mind: Expect success, not perfection. Practice, practice, practice. Be patient.
Self-Awareness The ability to know your own emotions in the moment and understand your tendencies across situations (know yourself as you really are). A foundational skill.
Self-Awareness Strategies 1. Quit treating your feelings as good or bad 2. Observe the ripple effect from your emotions Lean into your discomfort 3. Feel your emotions physically 4. Know who and what pushes your buttons 5. Watch yourself like a hawk 6. Keep a journal about your emotions 7. Don’t be fooled by a bad mood 8. Don’t be fooled by a good mood either 9. 10. Stop and ask yourself why you do the things you do Visit your values 11. 12. Check yourself 13. Spot your emotions in books, movies, and music 14. Seek feedback 15. Get to know yourself under stress
Self-Management or Self-Regulation The ability to use your awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and direct behavior accordingly (manage your emotional reactions to situations and people).
Self-Management Strategies Breathe right 1. Create an emotion vs. reason list 2. Make your goals public 3. 4. Count to 10 5. Sleep on it 6. Talk to a skilled self-manager Smile and laugh more 7. 8. Set aside some time in your day for problem solving 9. Take control of your self-talk 10. Visualize yourself succeeding 11. Clean up your sleep hygiene 12. Focus your attention on your freedoms, rather than your limitations Stay synchronized 13. 14. Speak to someone who is NOT emotional invested in your problem Learn a valuable lesson from everyone you encounter 15. 16. Put a mental recharge into your schedule Accept that change is just around the corner 17.
Social Awareness or Empathy The ability to accurately pick up on emotions in other people and understand what is really going on with them (involves listening and observing).
Social Awareness Strategies Greet people by name 1. Watch body language 2. Make timing everything 3. Develop a back-pocket question 4. Don’t take notes at meetings 5. Plan ahead for social gatherings 6. Clear away the clutter 7. Live in the moment 8. Go on a 15-minute tour 9. 10. Watch EQ at the movies 11. Practice the art of listening 12. Go people watching 13. Understand the rules of the culture game 14. Test for accuracy 15. Step into their shoes 16. Seek the whole picture 17. Catch the mood of the room
Relationship Management or Social Skill The ability to use your awareness of your emotions and those of others to manage interactions successfully (the bond you build with others over time).
Relationship Mgmt Strategies Be open and curious 1. Enhance your natural communication style 2. Avoid giving mixed signals 3. Remember the little things that pack a punch 4. Take feedback well 5. Build trust 6. Have an “open - door” policy 7. Only get mad on purpose 8. Don’t avoid the inevitable 9. 10. Acknowledge the other person’s feelings 11. Complement the persons emotions or situation 12. When you care, show it 13. Explain your decisions, don’t just make them 14. Make your feedback direct and constructive 15. Align your intention with your impact 16. Offer a “fix - it” statement during a broken conversation 17. Tackle a tough conversation
Tough Conversation – 6 Steps Start with agreement. 1. Ask the person to help you understand his/her story. 2. Resist the urge to plan a comeback. 3. Help the other person understand your story too – 4. communicate clearly. Move the conversation forward – what are the next 5. steps? Keep in touch. 6. Listen. Listen. Listen.
Stress Registers in the body as a danger reaction - “fight, flight, or freeze” response We need to become aware of our stressors and how our bodies react. Stress causes increased heart rate, pupils dilation, digestion shut down, and sends blood to our muscles for strength – this tension creates anxiety. We respond to many situations as if they are life-threatening when they are not – but still triggers response.
How to Manage Stress Learn the “ relaxation response ” - deep abdominal breathing, quietly sitting, calm movement, progressive muscle relaxation, (art, music, meditation, visualization help) https://insighttimer.com/ - Meditation App Practice mindfulness – a calming tool that helps us improve our ability to pay attention to the present moment without judgment. http://elishagoldstein.com/videos/breath-as-an- anchor/
Wear it for a day and find out who or what is causing you stress. RELAXED Three Things You Can CALM Do to Reduce Stress: ALERT 1. Deep Breathing: Breathe in slowly and deeply right down to your waist. TENSE 2. Progressive muscle relaxation: Tense and relax different muscles throughout ANXIOUS the body one by one (head, neck, shoulders, abdomen, etc.) STRESS 3. Visualization: Imagine yourself in a relaxing spot being warmed by the sun. STRESSED
Leadership As Courage "Life only demands from you the strength that you possess. Only one feat is possible; not to run away." -Dag Hammarskjold "To be or not to be...that is NOT the question." -Steve (Shakespeare) Geske
The Defector Savior/Problem Solver The Hermit The True Leader
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