The Process of Grief Workforce Development & Training Manager, - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

Angela Riddle, LCSW (1) The Process of Grief Workforce Development & Training Manager, VCBH angela.riddle@ventura.org

Today’s Hour Journey Grief is a shared human experience which connects us all despite age, culture and other factors. While usually associated with death (especially of a loved one), grief is the experience connected to LOSS. Grief is unique to each person and each situation and yet follows a common path. What might we encounter along the journey? How do we help ourselves and others along the way? How do we stay connected from afar? Please join me as we explore resources, knowledge, spirituality, books, poems and other tools to support healing and HOPE.

Loss and Grief Bereavement: noun. a period of mourning after a loss, especially after the death of a loved one Grief: noun. deep or intense sorrow or distress, especially at the death of someone. something that causes keen distress or suffering. www.dictionary.com “The normal, appropriate emotional response to loss” Dealing with Grief (2004) As we discuss the path of grief and supporting healing, remember it may be helpful for other LOSS

Loss and Grief – “The death of a loved one may cause the most intense grief. But grief can also follow other losses.” Working Through Grief: Self-Care Handbook 1999, p.4 – Trauma Divorce/Separation – – Pet – Diagnosis of a disability or illness – A Move – Loss of a dream – COVID 19: death, health, employment, financial, education, family, friends, co-workers, peers, routine, normalcy, celebrations (weddings, funerals, school events)

(2) Age, developmental stage (3 ) Gender “Grief is interconnected. When we feel grief Cultural Background /Culture for one of these losses, other unmetabolized grief sympathetically Spirituality resonates with the current loss. However, as Personality we honor one area of our grief with our attention, care, and connection with others, Other stresses the opportunity exists for these attendant areas of grief to also be seen and healed.” Experiences of past losses https://www.psychcongress.com/blog/grief-most-common- Circumstances of the loss experience-being-human

Loss and Grief: Considering Culture — There are cultural differences in the expression of grief and understanding of death and the afterlife – Some cultures respond with an outward display of emotion while others may be more quiet, while others “may rock back and forth or get on their knees to express their pain.” – Dealing with Grief Workbook, p.10 – Beliefs of the afterlife vary – Spirituality, faith and religious rituals vary – Be mindful and respectful of cultural differences

Loss and Grief – Profound unique individualized experience – Sometimes, we don’t understand why we (or others around us) are acting and feeling a certain way ... Maybe we are grieving a LOSS (4)

Grief is a Journey A Common Path: what we might encounter along the way Not a Destination (8)

The Grief Journey (17) – Psychological – Physiological – Spiritual – Emotional – Social

The 5 Stages of Grief (The Kübler-Ross model) – 1) Denial – 2) Anger – 3) Bargaining – 4) Depression – 5) Acceptance

Denial (5) – Shock: initial paralysis, physiological experiences of shortness of breath, tightness in the throat, muscular limpness, loss of appetite, disoriented, run on “automatic pilot”, we may even laugh, throw up or faint – Numbness The first beliefs are: this can’t be real, there must be a mistake, this is not possible, – can’t believe it, feels like you’re in a dream, feel like your loved one or the thing you lost will show up again (though your mind knows it/they won’t) May minimize the issues – Allows us to start absorbing the new reality slowly while continuing to function – (10)

Anger (14) – Though uncomfortable, is a healthy indication that we are beginning to accept the facts – Outpouring of emotions - It can be a protest to a great loss – Anger... At the loss, at the person for dying / leaving you, at the situation, at the messenger, at family and friends, at ourselves, at our spiritual being WHY!?!, blaming – – Feelings of powerlessness may lead to anxiety – Restlessness, inability to sleep – Worry you’re losing your mind Worry about new responsibilities –

Bargaining – There is a greater level of acknowledgement that the loss has occurred, but we are still resistant to accepting it as real and so we attempt to make deals to reverse fate – we try to negotiate the situation with ourselves, other involved persons or with our spiritual being – Seeking a way out May try to change or delay loss: beg a partner to return, look for unlikely cures – – Desire to go back in time – Self- blaming, a litany of “I should haves....”, I should have done this... I should have said that... He / she ... They ...should have ...should have ...should have... Regrets: past arguments, not doing something or doing more to prevent the death, – not saying good- bye, feeling relief they’re no longer in pain

Depression As we realize our loss is real and we cannot change it, we experience deep sorrow (6) – Deep pain, our heart is breaking, like we can’t breathe, a punch in the stomach...a punch to our soul – We may isolate – We may feel remorse, guilt, regret – A heaviness, darkness looms over everything – we feel like there is no way we can bear the pain – It feels like nothing will ever be all right again – Lonely, yearning, like there’s a hole – We may feel like we may die and will never be whole again – Thoughts/Fears about your own death – Reliving other sadness and losses in your life (7)

Acceptance (18) – Occurs with time – Our lives, the situation is not going to be the same as before – We come to realize that there is nothing we could do to change the outcome ... – We realize we can make it through, maybe a little stronger than we were before – More empathy for others – We begin to move forward again, we find a way forward – Renewed HOPE in a future – even though it is different from the one we imagined... New interests, new relationships, new adventures (Disney’s Up) (12)

The Stages of Grief: There is no order or timetable- no start or end point

(22) The Grief Journey common experiences Some believe grief is a lifelong process and that a element of hurt and sadness often remains, or we re-process old grief when faced with new loss For some, understanding grief is a hindsight activity – something we notice we have done after we have passed through

Living with Grief: Re-organization (7) – Establishing an on-going relationship with your loss (and with your loved one) and the recognition that you will never be the same – Adjustments (resolving purpose, meaning, joy and happiness) in a world without the loved one (or loss): external, internal and spiritual – Resolving Purpose, meaning, joy and happiness in a world It involves transcendence beyond the death (or loss) – – Transcendence beyond death, using personal spirituality and faith – Channeling your energy into and reaching out toward something positive – A search for meaning – Often means changing your attitudes toward life, death, yourself, suffering and spirit

Living with Grief (16)

Grief is a journey, not a destination Love transcends lifetimes (9)

(24) Living with Grief (26)

Helping Along the Way: What To Do for Yourself and Others (19) – Be kind to yourself Self care (for self and others) – Compassion and Gratitude and LOVE – Be patient with yourself and others – Healing Rituals – Do things that bring you joy and peace – Books, poetry, movies, songs – Support: family, friends, spiritual, professional – Spirituality – practices, community, talk to a mentor or leader from your faith – Maintain HOPE )

Helping Along the Way: What To Do for Yourself and Others (21) – During times of Denial/Shock, we may not remember all the details of what was said or done, but will usually remember the compassion and kindness we experienced from friends, family, faith leaders, doctors, and other professionals – Say you’re sorry Be forward and honest – Connect with others and be seen and heard – – Have a family or friend with you, make a phone call, stay connected – Allow for hugs and being held – Be there to listen (active listening handout) – Be comfortable with silence

Helping Along the Way: What To Do for Yourself and Others (20) – Allow expressions of grief (yours and others’) – When Anger is present, realize that the anger is not directed at you and do not react back with anger or frustration - Remain compassionate and supportive – When deciding whether or not to view the body (make your own decision, remember there is no right choice – everyone’s journey is unique) – Expect Guilt and allow for the verbalizing of concerns and expression of emotions – listen (few survivors escape without some feeling of guilt) – Reassure yourself (or the bereaved person) that you/they did all they could and the best they could