PORN . . . Shhh Vauna Davis, MA, Utah Coalition Against Pornography and Reach 10
SHAME 2 Shame derives it’s power from being unspeakable. Brene Brown Capitalist Slides
SHAME 3 Shame derives it’s power from being unspeakable. Brene Brown 1. We are aware of social norms 2. We believe others will judge us 3. We internalize that judgment Capitalist Slides
SHAME 4 Shame derives it’s power from being unspeakable. Brene Brown 1. We are aware of social norms 2. We believe others will judge us 3. We internalize that judgment Shame is a soul-eating emotion. Carl Jung Capitalist Slides
Shhh 5 When a topic is taboo, there are powerful social norms that keep people from speaking. Joseph Grenny 3 4 5 2 1 It could I don’t It’s hard to I don’t Someone be know the talk about know might be awkward words to sexual issues enough annoyed say 9 7 6 8 10 I don’t I will do Can I trust It might They might know anything to them with harm our think I am how they avoid confidences? relationship controlling will shame respond Capitalist Slides
6 HUMAN CONNECTION IS THE GREATEST CASUALTY OF PORN Capitalist Slides
7 HUMAN CONNECTION IS THE GREATEST REMEDY FOR PORN Capitalist Slides
8 It wasn’t your fault.
9 But now it is your responsibility.
10 10
11 11 DISCLOSURE Being truthful frees up energy previously used to maintain secrets. Rory Reid
RESPONDING WELL 12 12 Appreciate Acknowledge Ask Assist Appropriately Th Thank you for r tell llin ing me. I’m sorry you are going Have you been able le to fin find help lp? How can I I help lp? I’m proud of you for talking. th through th this is. Who is is help lpin ing and how oft ften do Let’s plan when to follow up. Your are doing ing th the rig right th thin ing I know it’s common and you reach out t to th them? by sp speakin ing up. lo lots ts of f people le are Would ld you li like help lp fin findin ing Your honesty build ilds my tr trust str trugg gglin ling. reso sources? in in you. Help lp me understand what What is is your r recovery ry pla lan and it’s been like for you. how is is it it work rkin ing for r you ? Capitalist Slides
WHAT’S YOUR MOTIVATION? 13 13 To overcome silence we need more powerful beliefs in place. I have a responsibility to change the damaging culture of silence by speaking up. I show I care by speaking up even at the risk of my own of discomfort. When I speak up I give permission and inspiration to others to do the same. I start a positive chain reaction. No one should feel alone in their struggles. My friend might appreciate me reaching out. If I don’t speak up, who will? I don’t have to know everything – just caring enough to talk helps. Learning to talk will help me build happy, honest, trusting relationships through my whole life. Everyone is worthy of human connection. Capitalist Slides
How Can I Help Someone? 14 14 79% of teens and young adults who want to stop using porn have no one in their life helping them. 3 4 5 2 1 Remind Follow up – Encourage Listen, Send them of how is it working with talk, kindness their good going since an check in their way qualities the last time accountability you talked? partner 9 7 6 8 10 Recognize Be patient Encourage Keep your Don’t protect your using all the boundaries, it them from limits resources helps both of the available you consequences of their actions Capitalist Slides
15 15 ACCOUNTABILITY Accountability turns pain into peace.
Capitalist Slides
WHEN TO TALK 17 17 Too early? A little late? Just right. You truly care about each other. You trust each other to be sensitive, kind, and respectful. You are talking about other significant personal issues. You are together exclusively. You might be thinking about becoming engaged or married, but are not engaged yet. Of course it’s never too late to start! Capitalist Slides
18 18 HOW TO START Why do we think it’s harder to talk about pornography than live with the consequences of not talking? Share your Be up-front Share a Build on a love, about your personal news story respect, worries. experience. or other and faith in media. your friend. I have something I want to share with you Capitalist Slides
19 19 WHAT TO TALK ABOUT Don't assault people with the truth. Speak with empathy or they won't hear you anyway. Todd Henry Attitudes Experiences Plans Capitalist Slides
20 20 Porn recovery is not for a few addicted people. It is for a world that has been pornified. Fr. Sean Kilcawley SOBRIETY = RECOVERY Capitalist Slides
21 21 SOBRIETY = Not looking RECOVERY = Not looking + healthy stress responses + connection + humility & honesty + a plan + skills + accountability + spiritual healing + healthy living for a lifetime Capitalist Slides
RESOURCES FOR RECOVERY 22 22 Most successful people use these four resources. Spiritual Advisor Qualified Counselor 12-Step or Group Therapy Education Capitalist Slides
23 23 DECISIONS An addiction is something used to fill a void a relationship is meant to fill. Sean McDowell ? 2 1 3 4 Stay Go Wait Maybe Later Capitalist Slides
How Can I Help Someone? 24 24 79% of teens and young adults who want to stop using porn have no one in their life helping them. 3 4 5 2 1 Remind Follow up – Encourage Listen, Send them of how is it working with talk, kindness their good going since an check in their way qualities the last time accountability you talked? partner 9 7 6 8 10 Recognize Be patient Encourage Keep your Don’t protect your using all the boundaries, it them from limits resources helps both of the available you consequences of their actions Capitalist Slides
25 25 SURRENDER We cannot control whether our loved one gets in recovery or not. We can learn to be happy and healthy whether they choose recovery or not.
26 26 BOUNDARIES
reach10.org vauna@reach10.org utahcoalition.org
28 28 Look for opportunities to speak up & help others while keeping safe.
29 29
30 30
HEALTHY LIVING FOR A 31 31 LIFETIME Capitalist Slides
HEALTHY LIVING FOR A 32 32 LIFETIME SEXUAL Expressing sexuality in a safe, healthy, respectful and relationship-building way Capitalist Slides
33 33
Recommend
More recommend
