NW Ministries Conference Motivating Unmotivated Teens
If you could?
START BY KNOWING THEIR GOAL
Don’t extinguish the flame
Is the future bright or scary?
QUESTION 1 WHAT’S THE BIG PICTURE
QUESTION 1 - WHAT’S THE BIG PICTURE MAJOR BLOCKS? ▸ Ability ▸ Physical issues ▸ Mental/Emotional ▸ Relationships ▸ Personal Safety ▸ Addictions
QUESTION 2 WHAT’S WORKING?
SCORE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0 0 5 1 0 1 5 2 0 2 5 3 0 3 5 Search for positive outliers
QUESTION 2 - WHAT’S WORKING? POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY ▸ Why did they succeed that time? ▸ Focus on what is working to create action and momentum.
TEACHABLE MOMENTS Consequences Affirmation
AFFIRMATIONS • Goal: Encourage repeating behaviors • U se descriptive phrases rather than “empty” phrases like “good job”. • Focus on process versus the end product • Say what you saw • Talk less, ask more • External to Internal • Avoid labels.
WHO ARE YOU DEALING WITH? Wise Foolish
QUESTION 3 WHAT DO THEY LACK?
OUR PROBLEM ➤ Our kids don’t think there is a problem. ➤ They lack an emotional trigger that initiates change ➤ They may lack abilities to make the change
BJ Fogg - Stanford Persuasive Tech Lab
IS THERE A GAP? QUESTION 4
LEVELS OF COMMUNICATION Silent Listening Questioning Paraphrasing You Are Capable Empathizing Supporting Analyzing Evaluating Advising You Need Me
“MOTIVATING YOUR INTELLIGENT BUT UNMOTIVATED TEENAGER” BY DENNIS BUMGARNER QUESTIONS FOR EXPLORATION ▸ Is there anything about how your life is going that concerns you? ▸ What makes you think you might need to change? ▸ Has your current situation caused you problems? ▸ If you were to decide not to change things regarding school, what would happen? ▸ What would, for you, be the upside of doing better?
“MOTIVATING YOUR INTELLIGENT BUT UNMOTIVATED TEENAGER” BY DENNIS BUMGARNER CONT. QUESTIONS FOR EXPLORATION ▸ If you decide to change, what makes you think you could? ▸ What does it take in the way of education to be an _______? ▸ Do you have a plan to improve performance? ▸ Are you currently using your plan or are you waiting to put it into place?
“MOTIVATING YOUR INTELLIGENT BUT UNMOTIVATED TEENAGER” BY DENNIS BUMGARNER CONT. QUESTIONS FOR EXPLORATION ▸ How will you know when the time is right to work your plan? ▸ Is there a time when it would be too late? ▸ Is there a time when you might have to decide to change your goal? What would tell you that? ▸ Do you feel you are on track toward your goal?
QUESTION 5 - WHO IS IN CHARGE? DON’T MOTIVATE LONG TERM ▸ Threats ▸ Lectures ▸ Inspirational speeches ▸ Punishment ▸ Rewards ▸ Comparisons
EXECUTIVE FUNCTION
QUESTION 6 - HOW CAN I HELP? GIFTS YOU CAN BRING ▸ Context ▸ Predictability ▸ Create social dependencies ▸ Focus on what, not how ▸ Freedom to fail ▸ Recognition of progress
Don’t Only Focus on Behavior
Power of Lists
Chore/Flow Charts
Don’t go too far into the future
Enforce Good Self-Care
2-3 Goals at a Time
Stay Connected
Guarded and Task Oriented Indirect and Slower Paced Direct and Faster Paced Natural Strengths - Natural Strengths - structured, accurate, systematic decisive action, goal-oriented Motivation - Work Motivation - Power Challenge - Perfectionism Challenge - Hard Headed Natural Strengths - Natural Strengths - easy-going, patient, good listener fun-loving and optimistic Motivation - Relationships Motivation - Fun Challenge - Overthinking Challenge - Optimism Open and People Oriented Adapted from”LeadingFrom Your Strengths Profile – Ministry Insights.” Ministry Insights.Web 23 Dec.2014
OVERCOMING RESISTANCE Before Worst Case “Tomorrow” Temptation: Procrastinate Vaccine: Start Middle This will never work “Uncertainty” It is such a long way Temptation: Quit Vaccine: Move End Doubt It isn’t “perfect” Temptation: Never Celebrate Vaccine: Review goals, turn in, Celebrate
NEXT STEP ▸ Email Follow-up ▸ NWMincon to 44222 ▸ Sign-up sheet ▸ projectpatch.org/ nwmincon ▸ chuck@projectpatch.org
CONNECT www.projectpatch.org Facebook.com/projectpatch @projectpatch & @chuckhagele 360-690-8495 TodaysFamilyExperience.com
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