LETTER WRITING David Nylund
"Conversation is, by its very nature, ephemeral. After a particularly meaningful session, a client walks away aglow with provocative new thought, but a few blocks away, the exact words that had struck home as so profound may already be hard to recall. But the words in a letter don’t fade and disappear the way conversation does; they
Dear David: I feel like writing a letter about letter writing. I have a story for you about a letter and how powerful they can be. This took place 35 years ago when my Uncle was 18. He is a brilliant, sensitive man that has suffered from periods of mental illness throughout his life. Even as a small boy he displayed a tendency towards suicide. This particular time he called his mother (my grandmother) and told her of his intentions to kill himself. She, in her simple, wise way told him, “Michael, before you do anything send yourself a letter. Put it all down in words put it in an envelope and mail it. When it gets to you see if you still feel the same way.” By the time he received his letter to himself he no longer felt the urge to take his life. The crisis had passed. Your letters summarizing our sessions are vignettes of hope to me. Little glimpses of my progress into the hard work and struggle to free myself from the grip of anorexia. I carry my letters around with me wherever I go. This way I can hold my hope. Yours in Outwitting the Perplexing of Anorexia, Nanette
T HE E CONOMICS OF N ARRATIVE N YLUND AND T HOMAS 1994 F AMILY THERAPY NETWORKER • 40 surveys • 37 participants indicated that the letters were "very helpful" The remaining three considered them "helpful" • The average worth of a letter was 3.2 face-to-face interviews, with the highest single rating as 10 and the lowest as .25. • As a group, 52.8 percent of the gains made in therapy were due to the letters alone. The average length of therapy was 4.5 sessions.
T YPES OF L ETTERS • Narrative letters • Brief letters • Letters of invitation • Prediction letters • Counter-referral letters • Letter writing campaigns • Letter from the Problem • Letter to the relationship • Counter-Documents (Circulation documents)
L ETTERS AS N ARRATIVE • Chronicles the work/journey/plot over time • Summarizes the session • Invites and engages the client into relational externalizing conversations • Highlights unique outcome moments • Thickens the counter-plot • Ask questions that come after the session • Post-session reflection • Highlights client’s quotes that depict the new story • Where the client speaks about skills, knowledges, competencies, hopes, etc.
Dear John, You shared how Anxiety has influenced your life; it has a long history. Anxiety had many allies, kids who teased you a lot, transphobia, and a culture that ostracizes difference. These allies recruited you into a negative story about yourself. Yet in spite of the power of Anxiety and its friends, you never completely surrendered to it. In looking back, can you remember moments of you standing up for yourself? I asked you who most appreciated you as a young person. You movingly shared about your physics teacher, Mr. Jones and what he admired about you. When I asked you, “What did Mr. Jones see in you that the kids who teased you didn’t notice?” you replied, “He saw that I was kind… he told me how he admired my intelligence…and he liked that I didn’t follow the norm…that I was my own person…” What might happen if you kept your teacher’s version of you close to you? How might it help to undermine the power of Anxiety? Anxiety definitely took a back seat when you found the bravery to approach and meet your girlfriend in San Francisco. I and the team were struck/enjoyed the story of how you met your girlfriend. I asked you about what she loves about you…you pondered saying that how you haven’t been asked that question before. Have you given that question more thought? How might thinking more about this question help you to further embrace a modest bravery? Yours against Anxiety, David
Dear John and Mom, Thanks for our talk the other day. I got a sense that fear took a back seat to our conversation. Do you agree Mom? John, I really like how you, your mom, and I came up with the Rules of Fear: Fear grows the more you don’t confront it; Fear can lurk around the corner; It grows smaller by taking small steps. John you said that Fear has you “growing down” and tricks you into thinking you are not “brave.” You agree, Mom. The Fear keeps John from remembering times in his life when he showed his bravery. This includes the time when John, in spite of fear, was the lead in the Christmas play. Also, there has been a few nights where Fear was not so strong. Mom, you also said the fear even tricks you into mother-blaming; that somehow you are failing as a mom thinking you are not on John’s support team. At times, Fear teams up with frustration and worry. You both say it is not fair that Fear is doing this to the both of you. We were thinking about what can help you to find your bravery. Your mom brought up Popeye and how he got stronger after eating spinach. BTW, Mom have you shown John an episode of Popeye yet?Yes, I know you don’t like spinach. But you’re in luck because your Mom is Greek! And she makes a great Spinach Pie (Spanakopita). And just your luck—you love Spinach Pie! Mom you agreed to make Spanakopita and John will eat a slice around bed time. Then his Popeye will come out to fight Fear! I can’t wait to find out how it went!!! Mom, could you bring me a piece of the spinach pie to our next meeting? I love it too; you see, my Dad grew up near Greektown Detroit and he introduced Spinach Pie to me when I was kid. I think if I eat some, the team of us three-the Spanakopita Fear Busting Trio-can tackle any Fear. Yours against Fear David the Sailor Man.
L ETTERS OF INVITATION • Given narrative therapy is relational it is desirable to involve others in the work. • There are often times when a family member or friend’s presence could be of benefit. • These letters are sent to encourage a person or people to attend a session.
Michael, I planning to meet up with your Mom in a few weeks and she and I would like it if you came to the meeting….I feel really badly talking behind your back with your mother. I have been thinking about this dilemma a bit and have come up with some ideas. I wonder what you think of them?: If you decide that you can’t come, could you get a 1. friend to represent you at the meeting; a bit like a lawyer who will come in your place and speak for you? If that’s not a good idea, what about letting your mom 2. choose a friend of hers to represent you? If that’s not a good idea, what about you going on 3. standby at a phone while your mother is here meeting with me? Then I can call you if I get the impression that your mother has forgotten what it’s like to be your age. I can ask for a few ideas about how it feels for you. Michael, I meet up with your mother on January 5th. I suppose you might come or you might or might not try one of the above ideas. It’s up to you I guess. Well, bye for
Dear loved ones of Terry, My name is Heather Woodford, and I am a social worker at the Gender Health Center, a counseling center here in Sacramento. Terry and I have been working together off and on since 2013. During the time that I have known Terry, he has made several accomplishments which he has deemed significant or very significant. These include: - Gaining and maintaining his sobriety for several months - Handling legal matters - Pursuing his path to legal residence here in the US - Discovering and developing healthy habits, such as meditation, walking, and yoga - Spending time with family and friends who support him - Visiting the doctor to take care of his physical health in a proactive way - And much more! In order to accomplish these monumental tasks, Terry has had to face a great adversary, Fear, on multiple occasions. One might even say (and Terry himself has said) that this part of his life has been an important time of change. When asked how Terry has celebrated or appreciated these recent changes in his life, Terry shared that it has been difficult to do so. Fear is a mighty enemy, and in seeing that it has been strongly challenged, Fear has recruited its friend Self Pity to stand in the way of Terry being able to adequately appreciate the importance of these accomplishments! Fear and its friends are very sneaky and have many tactics for trying to thwart Terry. However, I am convinced that Fear does not know who it is messing with! When I asked Terry if it is fair that Fear/Self Pity are getting in the way of celebrating his recent successes, Terry told me NO! It is NOT okay! And so it is with great delight and pride that I invite you to A Celebration of Terry! To be held: Tuesday (date) at (time) What to expect: Discussion of Terry's recent accomplishments, and the related history of his previous accomplishments, predictions for future ways he will continue to stand up to Fear and live a life more in line with his values of Honesty, Love, Family, and Friendship. Light snacks will be provided. We hope you can make it, as your presence will be appreciated! Please RSVP to Heather Kindly, Heather
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