CoRe Clinic Words Matter: Managing ourselves when giving or - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

CoRe Clinic Words Matter: Managing ourselves when giving or receiving feedback October 17, 2016 Julie Daum and Kari Boyle

Ou Outline 1. Giving and Receiving Feedback – the Basics 2. A very personal experience – Julie 3. Discussion

Th The Basics • Fundamental skill of life • Key opportunities for learning and growth • Brain science

Br Brain Sc Science 1. Our brains interpret criticism as a threat to survival

Br Brain Sc Science 1. We remember negative feedback inaccurately 2. Negativity bias: We remember negative feedback more strongly and in more detail 3. Confirmation bias: we are drawn to evidence that confirms existing thinking 4. All or nothing thinking 5. Overgeneralization 6. Catastrophizing 7. Emotional reasoning

7 7 cri riteri ria for r giving effective feedback 1. The feedback provider is credible in the eyes of the recipient 2. The feedback provider is trusted by the recipient 3. The feedback is conveyed with good intentions 4. The timing and circumstances of giving the feedback are appropriate 5. The feedback is given in an interactive manner 6. The feedback message is clear 7. The feedback is helpful to the recipient

Good in Go intentio tions • Reflect carefully on your purpose • The recipient can sense authenticity Wrong reasons Right reasons • Defend/excuse your own • Commitment and concern behavior for the recipient • Demoralize/condemn • Sense of responsibility • Bad mood • To guide/mentor • Appease a third party • To support/enhance • Make yourself feel relationship Superior/powerful

Mo More tips about giving effective feedback • Focus on the behavior, not the person • Be curious – lead with questions (“ask don’t tell”) • Inject positivity • “criticism sandwich” – but can backfire • Modified approach • Be specific • Own the feedback (use “I” not “they”) • Culture – feedback as a gift • Rosenberg • Follow up afterwards / offer continuing support

Ro Rosenberg Nonviolent Communication • Observations • Feelings • Needs • Requests

Br Brene Br Brown: Dari ring Greatly • Engaged Feedback checklist: I know I’m ready to give feedback when: 1. I’m ready to sit next to you rather than across from you 2. I’m willing to put the problem in front of us rather than between us (or sliding it toward you) 3. I’m ready to listen, ask questions, and accept that I may not fully understand the issue 4. I want to acknowledge what you do well instead of picking apart your mistakes 5. I recognize your strengths and how you can use them to address your challenges

Br Brene Br Brown 6. I can hold you accountable without shaming or blaming you 7. I’m willing to own my part 8. I can genuinely thank you for your efforts rather than criticize you for your failings 9. I can talk about how resolving these challenges will lead to your growth and opportunity 10. I can model the vulnerability and openness that I expect to see from you http://brenebrown.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/DaringGreatly-EngagedFeedback-8x10.pdf

Ho How w to rec eceiv eive e feedbac eedback well ell • Seek out those you trust • Seek feedback often • Listen carefully – be curious and ask questions • Take time to reflect – before reacting • Most people can take in only one critical comment at a time • Express disappointment not anger • Cultivate a growth mindset – feedback is opportunity for growth • Learn how to embrace failure • A focus on self-improvement (what could I have done differently?) • Follow up

Wha What abo bout ut onl nline ne feedba dback? k? • Giving feedback online: • Responding to offensive comments is hard • Can trigger strong reactions – identity and self-image • Research – even mild pushback can have an instant effect • Use humour • Often no relationship and therefore no trust • How to develop trust / empathy

Wha What abo bout ut onl nline ne feedba dback? k? • Receiving feedback online: • Options: • Disallow comments • Ignore • Filter • Read • Read and respond • How to self manage?

Be Being the target Once a web community has decided to dislike a person, topic, or idea, the conversation will shift from criticizing the idea to become a competition about who can be most scathing in their condemnation. https://medium.com/humane-tech/the-online-abuse-playbook- 575648c9f798#.mmbtj2tpq

A A real life exampl ple

It started with this

Escalation

Debate Insults

Sept 2

September 3rd

Apology?

Explanation?

Blocked!

Le Lessons learn rned • credibility/context • public/private • advocates: negative/positive • dialogue • calling in/calling out

Discussion and Questions

Thank you