Bullying, What is it? Bullying is a problem that occurs in all countries around the world. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), high proportions of Canadian students who reported involvement in bullying confirms that this form of behaviour is an important social problem in our country.
BULLYING OCCURS WHEN THERE IS AN IMBALANCE OF POWER, ONE THAT IS NOT ALWAYS BASED ON SIZE OR STRENGHTH
What is the difference between Bullying and Conflict? • Conflict is a disagreement or a difference of opinion or interests between equals . The people involved in a conflict may disagree vehemently and emotions may run high. When conflict is badly managed, it may result in aggression. • In a conflict, both parties have power to influence the situation.
BUL BULLY LYING ING Bullying is physical, verbal or written abuse or social exclusion and has the characteristics of an imbalance of power, intention to harm, feelings of distress on the part of the victim, repeated incidents of Bullying over a certain time period.
TYPES OF BULLYING VERBAL RELATIONAL PHYSICAL CYBER
Verbal bullying occurs when someone uses language to gain power over his or her peers. The verbal bully makes use of relentless insults and teasing to bully peers.
Relational bullying occurs when an individual is left out of events or games, deliberately ignored and excluded and has rumours spread about them and is made to feel like an outsider.
Physical bullying occurs when a person uses overt bodily acts to gain power over peers. Physical bullying can include kicking, punching, hitting or other physical attacks. tweenparenting.about.com
Cyber-Bullying is Bullying that takes place online, in the virtual world, or via computers, cell phones or other technological devices, and, therefore has the unique characteristics that the bully can remain anonymous, can pretend to be someone else. The Bullying can occur anywhere at any time, words and images can be distributed instantly to a wide audience, and a bully may say things online that they would never say face to face.
Warning Signs Children and youth who are being victimized by a bully, or who have become a bully themselves, will often display changes in their behaviour. It’s important that you as a parent know the warning signs, and pay attention to any signs that your child may be exhibiting. It doesn’t necessarily mean they are involved in bullying, but it may indicate the need to start a conversation and check in with your child.
Signs that your child is being bullied Children and youth who are being bullied by others will often display a change in behaviour or emotions, like : • Not wanting to go to school or participate in extra-curricular activities • Anxious, fearful or over-reactive behaviour • Shows low self-esteem and makes negative comments about him/herself or a former friend • Regular complaints of stomach aches, headaches, and other physical symptoms without any particular cause • Lower interest and performance in school (i.e. drop in grades, development of learning issues) • Injuries, bruising, damaged clothing or broken items • Unhappy and irritable • Trouble sleeping, nightmares, bedwetting • Frequent crying • Threatens to hurt him/herself or others • Significant changes in social life (i.e. no one is calling or inviting him/her out)
Signs that your child is a bully Children and youth who bully may show signs that they are using power aggressively, such as: • Little concern for the feelings of others • Aggressive with siblings, parents, teachers, friends and animals • Bossy and manipulative to get his/her own way • Coming home with unexplained objects or extra money • Secretive about possessions, activities or where they have been • Easily frustrated and quickly angered • Believe aggression is an acceptable way to resolve conflicts • Abuse others physically or verbally • Get into fights and blame others for starting them • Have a need to dominate others • Have two or three friends who are also aggressive • Hang out with increasingly younger children • Quick to interpret accidents or neutral events as deliberate hostile acts
What can I do to help?
What can parents do? Bullying can be a tough topic to bring up with your kids, but it’s an important conversation to have if they are showing signs of being a victim or a bully. Bullying and aggression is often a cry for help. It’s important to be open to the possibility that your child could be in one of these roles. The most important thing you can do as a parent is to listen and not dismiss your child when they want to talk – they may only try once.
What parents can do to help • Addressing the signs of bullying before the behaviour gets worse is the key to creating a safe school and making our children feel safe. Parents play a pivotal role in teaching their children how to be caring, deal with angry feelings, and stand up for themselves without being aggressive. • Parents also need to model the behaviour they are teaching – creating a safe and caring home is equally important. • If your child does not want to open up to you, encourage them to find someone they trust, or help them find a safe way to report the bullying.
If your child is being bullied • Choose an appropriate time to ask your child about suspected bullying. What about during your drive home from school? Or during an after-dinner walk? Creating a space where your child doesn’t have to look you in the eye might help them open up to you. • Let your child do the talking. • Listen and don’t judge your child. Encourage him/her to describe the bullying in as much detail as they can, and document what they are telling you • Use open-ended questions, to encourage your child to talk about his/her day or share what is going on at school. For example: "what did you like the most about your day?" or "what was the most frustrating part of your day?"
If your child is being bullied • Make sure your child knows that its okay for them to feel the way they do. • Paraphrase what you heard about your child’s feelings and thoughts. This will help your child feel understood, and he/she will likely be more open to your help. • Don’t start a conversation if you don’t have time for it, or know you’ll be interrupted. • Brainstorm ways for your child to deal with the bullying. Encourage your child to walk away from the bully or ignore him/her. • Encourage your child to report the bullying. If it happened in a school, encourage them to talk to an adult at school or to make an anonymous tip via the on-line reporting tool
If your child is a bully • You should make it very clear that the bullying behaviour must stop immediately. • Ask your child about his/her friends, and what they do together. • Find out if there is something happening at school or at home that is causing them to act out. • Ask open- ended questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. • Paraphrase back what you hear them say and have them take ownership over their actions. • Set consequences for his/her actions, and establish positive ways that he/she can earn those privileges back. • Listen carefully and ask your child questions regarding the situation. Try to find out the reasons and possible motivation for the bullying behaviour
If your child is a bully • Your child may be bullying for a number of reasons, and it’s important to identify why so you can find the most appropriate solution. Here are some reasons why your child may be bullying others: • Parents have separated, divorced or remarried. • Trouble adjusting to new family situations, like a new sibling or significant family changes, new community, death of a family member or pet. • Parents may be working long hours and the child is spending more time alone. • Influence from violent TV shows, movies, video games or music. • May gain popularity from their aggressive behaviour. • May be mimicking violent or aggressive behaviour that they regularly witness. • May not have the skills to empathize with others. • Lacking confidence or being picked on or bullied by others.
Long Term Bullies • A study has shown that 60% of boys who were nominated as bullies in Grades 6 to 9 had at least one court conviction by age 24. • 35 to 40% had three or more convictions by age 24, compared to 10% for the control group of non-bullying boys. • Canada and Family Website
Research shows that bullies are seven times more likely than other students to carry weapons to school and found that children who bullied in Grades 6 to 9 are six times more likely to have a criminal record by the age of 24. Strong linkage was discovered between bullying behaviour during childhood years and subsequent criminal offences after the age of 12. Jiang, Walsh, & Augimeri, 2011 Criminal convictions were found to be twice as high for those who were identified by a parent as often engaging in bullying behaviours, as compared to those identified as non-bullies.
THE BYSTANDERS Bullying can occur in a group phenomenon and adults must be aware of the importance of the roles that bystanders play in incidents of bullying. • Hurtful bystanders • Helpful bystanders When bystanders intervene correctly, studies find they can cut bullying more than half the time in 10 seconds. Pepler
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