How do we see boys as something other than problems? How do we help boys address the challenges we know they face? www.BamGroups.com 1 Where BAM! stands… "Both sexes suffer when one is not understood…the remarkable transformation in the lives of girls over the past 20 years suggests that similar results could be achieved with boys.” Carol Gilligan, Newsweek, January 30, 2006 2
Where BAM! stands… “We must recognize and support what is natural about boys’ behavior while helping them to be more relationally skilled and emotionally intelligent…” BAM! Guidebook 3 Where BAM! stands… “Whether they play football or dance ballet, whether they hunt or knit, what matters is that boys are relationally competent.” BAM! Guidebook 4
Three ways to help boys make better contact by making better contact with them 1) Embrace a broader view of what it means to be male 2) Learn to be direct, indirectly 3) Regulate physical activity and aggression 5 Embrace a broader view of being male. Boys need to learn to broaden their conception of what it means to be male. We can help boys “out of the box” by contradicting the limiting social messages they hear. We need to learn to see boys as something other than problems. We can help by noticing and supporting the good in boys. 6
Boys are losing contact …with themselves, emotionally …with others, socially …with schools, academically “Little ones begin to strive for a cool indifference,imagining they need to be tougher and cooler than they actually are.” BAM! Guidebook 7 “The Boy in the Box” exercise Part One “We want you to tell us about the things that people say a boy is supposed to be and the things that people say a boy is supposed to do. What are those things? I’ll write them down here on this big piece of paper.” 8
9 “The Boy in the Box” exercise Part Two “What names do you get called when you step outside the box?” 10
“Gay” “Fag” “Midget” “Dumb” “Shorty” “Girl” “Bitch” “Weakling” “Short stuff” “Retard” “Stupid head” “Sissy man” “Girly men” 11 “The Boy in the Box” exercise Part Three “What happens to you when you get teased in this way, with these words?” 12
“I want to close up and go away” “I wanna quit” “It’s like the words get installed inside my head” “I wanna cry” “I want to close up and die” “I sometimes get into fights over words” “I think that maybe what they are saying is true” “I call them names back” “I beat them up” 13 Embrace a broader view of being male. Boys need to learn to broaden their conception of what it means to be male. We can help boys “out of the box” by contradicting the limiting social messages they hear. We need to learn to see boys as something other than problems. We can help by noticing and supporting the good in boys. 14
US Dept. of Ed. Office of Civil Rights Special Education Enrollment Grades K-12 (2000) 1.9 million girls (33%) 3.8 million boys (67%) The more subjective the criteria for services, the wider the gender gap. 15 Special Education Enrollment by Category 2006-07 Count of Oregon Special Education Students Ages 5-21 (School Age) 16
Percent of Youth 4-17 ever diagnosed with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder: CDC, National Survey of Children's Health, 2003 • Boys more likely to be referred and diagnosed with AD/HD (Barkley,1998) • 20% of boys in some schools receive psychostimulant meds (Castellanos, et al, 2002) • 90% of children taking Ritalin in the U.S. are boys (Pollack, 1998) 17 BASC (Behavior Assessment System for Children: TRS (Teacher Response Sheet) -Scores (General Norms) Sex Differences in T 18
BASC (Behavior Assessment System for Children: TRS (Teacher Response Sheet) -Scores (General Norms ) Sex Differences in T Females Higher 19 Social Skills Rating System (SSRS) Gresham and Elliot (1990) Sample of 800+ "yoked" forms (all three forms for same student) 20 “F" or "M" represents a significant difference in higher Female or Male scores on the subtests
Males outnumber females 4 to 1 regarding diagnoses of Autism Spectrum Disorders. -Fombonne, E. (2003) “Autism is an empathy disorder… Those with autism have major difficulties in ‘mindreading’ or putting themselves in someone else’s shoes, and responding appropriately to someone else’s feelings.” -Simon Baron-Cohen The Essential Difference: The truth about the male and female brain (2003) 21 Learn to be direct, indirectly Boys need to learn direct relational and communication skills. We can help by encouraging understanding and expression of emotions and needs. We need to learn to respect boys’ indirectness: We can help by “shooting baskets” first and talking later. 22
“All real living is meeting.” Martin Buber 23 “I note the obvious differences between each sort and type, but we are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike.” Human Family Maya Angelou, 2004 24
“Two-year-old toddlers who had lower fetal testosterone have higher levels of eye contact and a larger vocabulary.” Lutchmaya, et al (2002a) 25 “Newborn boys tend to look longer at mobiles than at human faces.” Lutchmaya & Baron- Cohen (2002) 26
Infant boys tend to prefer “films about cars” over “films about faces” Connellan, et al. (2001) 27 "Vervet monkeys, like human beings, show sex differences in toy preferences. Object preference appeared early in human evolution." Gerianne Alexander Texas A&M University 28
Girls born with Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (CAH) tend to show strong preferences for “boy-typical” toys and also score extremely high on tests of visual-spatial ability. Halpern (2002) 29 “Males tend to pay more attention to the way their surroundings are laid out which may explain why they are better in tasks that are spatial in nature, including block design, mental rotation, picture assembly, and mechanical skills.” Halpern (1992) 30
“Girls with higher levels of prenatal testosterone were faster at the mental rotation tasks than girls with low levels of prenatal testosterone.” Grimshaw, Sitarenios, and Finegan, 1995 31 Throughout infancy, Dominant, friendly, horrified, guilty childhood, and adolescence, girls identify facial expressions (e.g. a happy face vs. a sad face) more accurately than boys do. Doubtful, affectionate, aghast, playful McClure, 2000 Contented, apologetic, curious, defiant 32
Dominant, friendly, horrified, guilty Doubtful, affectionate, aghast, playful Contented, apologetic, curious, defiant 33 Assets of Boys And Girls Boys Girls Place a high value on caring for others Posess empathy, sensitivity, friendship skills Seek nonviolent methods for conflict resolution Does at least one hour homework Motivated to do well in school 0 17.5 35.0 52.5 70.0 500,000 children surveyed Search Institute of Minnesota Survey www.searchinstitute.org 34
“Walt squirms continually…his gaze firmly fixed on his fingers… Tom sits at an angle to Walt” D. Tannen, Gender and Discourse (1994) 35 William Pollack author of “Real Boys” Video clip ABC News, “20/20” 36
“She always has her body aligned with Julia, and, although her gaze drifts away, it always returns before long to Julia” D. Tannen, Gender and Discourse (1994) 37 “ Among the actions of estrogen on language, the areas most sensitive to hormonal effects are verbal fluency, naming, and speech production-speed articulation” Institute of Medicine 38
“…girls’ intentions when discussing problems may be to give and seek positive support. However, these conversations appear to contribute to increased depression.” Amanda Rose, 2008 Co-rumination researcher 39 “Rather than physically harming others, relationally aggressive girls will threaten retaliations: ‘If you don’t help me, I’ll tell Amy you said she was ugly.’” Nicki Crick, University of Minnesota 40
Regulate physical activity and aggression Boys need to learn to inhibit certain impulses for action and channel the expression of certain emotions in non- violent and constructive ways. We need to actively and regularly provide boys opportunities to engage in their world physically and to romp respectfully 41 Aggression among children in four cultures (Munroe, et al., 2000) • 3- to 9-year-old children • Influence of parental presence • Influence of patrilineal cultures 42
• Infant boys are more active than girls. • Differences increase during childhood. Eaton & Enns, 1986 43 “They bump, wrestle…pretend to shoot one another, and roll on the floor…” Eleanor Maccoby 44
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